Praying for Forgiveness

This little ham of mine, boy do I love him. He's sweet, serious, demanding, talkative (all. the. time) and such a joy.

Recently he and a buddy of his were having some problems. EJ, admittedly took responsibility for his end of the issue. His little mind truly sings for justice, equality, and true love for everyone. So, when I spoke with him about the conflict, his heart hurt with heaviness for both the injustice that was done to him and for how he acted too. I led him to pray, asking Jesus for forgiveness on his part and toward the little boy who had hurt him.

The beginning of the prayer began in a rote sort of way. Towards the middle real conviction hit him. And in his sweet little six year old voice, I heard him talk to the Lord as if Jesus were sitting in the car with him at that moment. He talked with Him, telling him that he was hurt and that he was struggling with one area, and would God please help him not to do it anymore.

My heart did that funny little twist when it is pained with both pride for my son and sadness for the hurt that he had experienced. I just loved that moment of real breakthrough in prayer, where he stepped beyond the veil and sat on the lap of his Heavenly Father.

Sometimes I wonder, will he ever understand just how much I adore him.

Posted in: on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at at 7:49 PM 1 comments Links to this post  

Circumstantional Worship


Little blog, I miss you. I really do. It seems as though my creative side of the brain has taken to a new passion for a while. Painting, gardening, even reading books. But writing? I've had the block going on for some time now.

I have plenty to chew on, over analyze, think about and decide on. It seems as though this brain of mine just won't quit. It's okay though, maybe someday all this thinking will amount to something inspirational.

This morning the kids and I went outside to do our homeschooling. We threw a blanket out on the lawn, curled up together and read a load of books first. Little Z is pretty much done with his preschool curriculum. And EJ is doing double time to finish before the month is out. Bless his heart, he offered to do some school work on Saturdays so that he could be done before June! Smart boy.

I put some worship music on, assigned EJ his work, dragged out this thing I am painting, and encouraged the Z man to explore for a bit. It is a cooler day outside and I have plenty to work on out there.

As my mind was contemplating some possible good news, a warm worship song came on and I found myself standing in my backyard, hands raised praising the God that created me. I felt, momentarily, alive and in tune. And then....

And then my mind stepped it up and I began struggling with how I view, worship, and spend time God depending on my circumstances that day. What a pity it is... this state of mine. It is a clarity of my immaturity... it is.

I look forward to the day that I will worship Him with all I have, no matter what my circumstances are. I beg the Lord that I will choose to view all of life as a joy, even when darkness comes. And I pray that someday sooner then later, I will find a quietness in my brain that accepts that sometimes I just won't have the answers to all my questions on this side of heaven.

Posted in: on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at at 11:09 AM 0 comments Links to this post  

Growing Up


He calls me "mom" now. No longer mommy or mama, but mom. It's a big change. A good one, of course. I want him to grow up, to go from being a little boy to the boy he's supposed to be. But sometimes, when he calls me mom, my heart hurts. I loved being mama, to him.

Lately I've found that he craves any and all time he can get with his father. This too is good. A boy should adore his father and look to him for guidance and support. But, I'm his mama. You know the one that hugs him a little bit longer then he probably wants me too.

He stopped holding my hand so much now too. I suppose it's independence climbing out of him. Again, that's good. I want him to be strong, independent, and smart. I do. I even push him sometimes to be that way.

And yet, he's still 6. Acting like a clown, saying goofy things, and bounding with lots of energy. Funny, sometimes I wonder if he's immature for his age, right on, or perhaps ahead of himself. Who knows. And who cares, right?

It's just sometimes, I wish I could make him call me mama again. Just for a bit...

Posted in: on Wednesday, March 04, 2009 at at 7:35 PM 6 comments Links to this post  

New Year, Same Me


I love growing and changing! I really welcome the thought of shedding bad habits or hidden ugliness inside. To me, growing is one of the best things in life. If we hit adulthood and found out that we knew it all, then what would be the point to life?

God. Obviously...

But the thing about God is, He is never ending. Learning about Him, reading His word, praying, spending time with Him, worshipping Him, and so much more never gets stale because there is always so much more. How exciting is that?

I was thinking about this new year of ours and I decided that I wasn't going to place any big goals or resolutions on myself. Over the last few years I've been discovering just how much my God loves me. How much He really enjoys me and what He thinks about me. And when He challenges me to change or grow, I may fight it in the beginning, but I always end up doing as He says.

Since I've begun to realize just how much He adores me, I've found a deeper joy in myself too. I like who God has created me to be. Even if it is weird or different or loud or too analytical or whatever.

This year rolled in quietly without big fireworks, for me. I realized that it was a bit of sign, that perhaps I needed to just continue to quietly build upon the things that He is already doing in me, then to add something new. For me, this year, the day on the calendar doesn't represent turning a new leaf but instead deepening the roots that have already been planted inside of me.

So, its a new year! But its the same me! And I'm happy with that.

Posted in: on Monday, January 12, 2009 at at 9:58 AM 3 comments Links to this post  

Answered Questions

Promises Fulfilled tagged me for this meme. Thanks Promises! Although as I answered everything, I realized that I might be a tad bit of downer. No fear...I believe I'm overtired, over worked, and am in need of being by myself for more then a day or two....Anyways... here are the answers!

Where is your cell phone? right next to me and I LOVE it. A Samsung Blackjack that I scored for FREE!
Where is your significant other? working
Your hair color? blonde ... all nat..ur..all!
Your mother? dirty blonde
Your father? dirty blonde with gray
Your favorite thing? right now - deep conversations over a yummy cup of Starbucks hot chocolate
Your dream last night? had something to do with a friend, Camilla, who in real life is leaving to move back home to Washington state on Friday. Don't remember much, other then we were watching a movie and hanging out and I was sad that she was leaving.
Your dream/goal? to live in another country (anywhere) and be part of group of people who authentically, genuinely, live a loving life of giving, caring, and sharing Christ
The room you’re in? dining room
Your hobby? these days its learning how to be frugal and score things for free or close to it. But I also like to write and craft ALOT!
Your fear? Losing my family. And my children having to grow up without a mother.
Where were you last night? church - Wednesday service on Communication in the Family! Finally!
What you’re not? skinny!
One of your wish-list items? to get out of debt again and be financially secure enough to give generously
Where you grew up? Newport, PA
The last thing you did? made lunch for the kids and myself
What are you wearing? I'm going out by myself tonight. So I have cool pair of jeans, with a white 3/4 sleeve shirt on, with an orange/reddish sleeveless shirt on top of that and a brown buttoned down sweater over that. It's all about layers people!
Your TV? is mostly loved for the Wii that is now with it
Your pet? one black cat, named Diesel, who has added alot of flavor to our home
Your computer? two - dell, one desktop, one laptop. Both of which my personal computer techie takes very good care of. It helps to be married to a former computer geek!
Your mood? somewhat grouchy...just being honest
Missing someone? oh yea, my mom, my brother and his fam, Steph S, Steph J, EmBow and the fam, Leah, even CJ's parents
Your car? a dirty minivan
Something you’re not wearing? earrings YET
Favorite store? any store that gives me quality things for either FREE or very cheap
Your summer? I have no problems with ditching summer. Can't stand to be hot and despise humidity....
Love someone? my husband, a..lot. And my boys... too much to even put down on paper
Your favorite color? brown - right now
When is the last time you laughed? not sure - clearly this might be leading up to my grouchiness...
Last time you cried? I'm not sure when was the last time, but seriously I need to have a good cry and get the irritability out so that I can get on with life and be my normal happy self again!

Posted in: on Thursday, December 04, 2008 at at 1:05 PM 1 comments Links to this post  

Thankful on this Day


I'm sitting in the dark of my computer room. Everyone is upstairs playing games and digesting the big dinner. It was a wonderful day, full of family, friends and joy. I am thankful for so much...


~ learning what it really means to enjoy this journey called life, despite trials and life circumstances

~ my two little boys who bring me the most joy I have ever had

~ learning how to forgive others who have brought me much pain

~my incredible husband, who works and studies tirelessly

~ each of the girls whom have lived with us and each of the wonderful flavors they have brought to our home

~ Corianne's Dutch apple pie

~ looking outside of the box and learning how to give to others

~ friends who send me my favorite tea or drive 8 hours to visit me or write me dear notes

~ my warm home and all the opportunities it gives me to love and care for others

~ the gift of watching my children learn and grow

~ all the snuggles and kisses I get from each of my boys

~ a cup of tea, quiet music, my bible, and my journal

~ listening to the daily prayers of my children

~knowing the difference that I am making now and the generations to come


For all of this I am thankful.

~

Posted in: on Thursday, November 27, 2008 at at 5:38 PM 3 comments Links to this post  

My Main Man

Married for over 10 years now and I still find this man handsome and wonderful! CJ finished another trimester of classes today, which included his internship. Only 2 more trimesters to go and this man will walk the aisle to recieve his bachelors in Practical Ministry. Way to go, babe!

Posted in: on Friday, November 21, 2008 at at 1:37 PM 0 comments Links to this post  

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)