Enjoying the Journey

Moving On

2011-01-27T13:47:00.003-05:00

I turned 34 the other day....

I suppose that means I have officially hit my mid thirties.

No so sure how I feel about that.

So with a new age, a still strong desire to write, and this nagging feeling to start something new and fun.... I have decided to close this blog down.

And start a new one....

You can join me now at www.njoythejourney@blogspot.com

Update your readers peeps.

Finishing 2010

2010-12-19T16:41:00.003-05:00

It seems like the ability to actually sit down long enough to write on my blog is an impossibility. An almost 1 year old and two homeschoolin' boys seem to have my attention non stop. Cory's job includes rotating shifts that keep him from home over 14 hours a work day. Of course, normal life includes never ending laundry, dishes, and chores.

I miss writing... However, Christmas is 6 days away, the end of the year will follow and I must at least wrap up this years portion of my blog. (It's my goal to begin writing again, with the onset of the 2011).

A year of transition is the best way of summing up 2010.

I can’t even begin to express the joy that came at the beginning of 2010 in the birth of our Simon David. I am telling you with all sincerity, his birth was the total highlight of our year. He literally has brought daily laughs, tears of joy, and fun to our entire family.

Watching Elijah and Zach grow this year was the next highlight of our year.

Elijah, now 8, is an amazing boy. His tenacity for life is coupled with a deep sense of compassion and servant hood. I admire him and how he loves the Lord. This year, he specifically grew in listening to our God. Many times he came to me, telling me what he believed the Lord was speaking. My heart would just grow with joy as God’s words would unfold in front of me through my sweet son.

Zach, 6, is still my nature boy. This child could play outside all day long if we allowed him to. He is convinced that he will be a hunter when he grows up and has taken to admiring his Uncle Chad all the time! When I am around Zach, I feel this sweet sense of God’s peace. Zach still does not know it yet, but just his very presence carries the tranquility of God’s grace with him.

Cory and I had a tough year. Operating on deep prayer, a word from God, and a dream we packed up our home in North Carolina and moved back to PA. Our good byes were hard and not exactly knowing what was in front of us was scary at times.

And while, many of you know that it was certainly not a cake walk, we still stand firm trusting our God in where He has placed us.

As 2010 ends, we stand before our God thankful for the following

*our marriage that continues to deepen and grow
*our boys – who amaze us
*our health
*our families
*our friends
*Cory’s job
* a place to call home
* HOPE – that comes only through knowing and trusting in Him.

I would be lying, if I didn't admit that I am very ready for 2010 to be over. I have a good feeling about 2011! Although, I have to admit, in many ways, there is no where to go but up!!! (I'm literally chuckling as I write that!)

Regardless, Merry Christmas to all my friends and family!

Reunions

2010-10-17T09:03:00.003-05:00

Last night we attended our 15 year class reunion. Maybe I'll be the only one to openly admit it, but I was a bit nervous as Cory and I climbed the stairs towards the get together. Many of these people I haven't seen since the day we graduated. In my own way, I have changed so much in the last 15 years.

I remember teachers, parents, and many adults telling us as high schoolers, that these were the best days of our lives. We were encouraged to get involved, to try things out, to learn as much as we could and to cherish each day.

For me my high school years were full of hurt and a quest of trying to figure out who I was. My home life was falling apart, I was struggling with depression, and I desperately just wanted to be loved and encouraged in who I was supposed to be. Those years, were not my best.

Just to clarify, my desperate time in life had absolutely nothing to do with the people I was surrounded by. Each classmate was going through their own teen years. Nobody was perfect or had it all together themselves. We were, what we were - adolescents!

Reunions can be a lesson in confidence. Have you come to a place of knowing who you are? Are you comfortable with yourself? Can you walk into a crowd of now adults and appreciate who each person is, what choices they have made with their lives, and how they have gotten there?

I loved going to my class reunion last night. I looked at each person with memories of who they were and admired who they became. Many of us whipped out wallets, phones and more to gloat over our children. While others discussed the details of the incredible jobs they were working in. Some people traveled from Tennessee, Virginia, and New York to share in the memories of our own childhoods.

We grew up. Somehow we figured out who we were as individuals. We braved the good times and the bad times of our pasts and shared who we are now.

Last night we laughed as we watched our fourth grade class commercials. We sobered up as we viewed pictures of those we had lost. We inquired and questioned each other over those that were not there. Pictures (and drinks) flowed freely, many of us remembering who we were during those days.

As Cory and I walked down the steps, on our way home, I sighed. It was a good night, a beautiful group of people, and an opportunity to remember that those years shaped who I am now. For that I am thankful!

Radical Love in a Normal Life

2010-10-14T09:11:00.004-05:00

“I pray I fight the middle to my last breath.”

I've been struggling for awhile now, trying to understand who I am in where I am. Everything we have learned and grown in over the last 4 years and to come back to home, what do I do?

My heart has always been twisted and turned, scrunched up and passionate - for people who need to be LOVED.

I had left home believing that we were becoming equipped to go out and love. To share, to help, to give .... that's all I have ever wanted to do.

Yet, I am here.

So, I pour out the love that is stored up inside of me on who God has placed in my life. My children, family, friends. And I DO love them all, with every ounce of my being.

Somedays, I can't help but struggle inside. I don't want normal. I don't want a cushy house and a job with all the benefits and daily life to be what the ugly american dream is all about.

But, truthfully, there are many days I do want it. I just want security.

I read this post today. My heart and body cried with her. I get it.... I get it....

~ Finding radical love in a normal life, right now .....

Mornings and Thanksgivings

2010-10-12T12:16:00.003-05:00

There is something about mornings and me. We get along but not really. You see, I never fully wake up until I have been moving around for awhile. Usually my achy body is lumbering out of bed while all three of the kiddos are already smiling, screaming, or needing something.

I have the desire to be one of those moms, you know the one who has it beautifully together by 6 am. My dreams include getting up around 5:30 ish, turning on quiet music, taking a shower, lighting candles and baking a healthy breakfast. When the kids wake up, they come downstairs to a mama who is refreshed and full of quiet joy.

I've done it before. You know getting up at least an hour or more before the kids, showering, making breakfast and even lighting candles. Our day seems so much better when it starts out with peace and love.

But since I'm not perfect and I do have quite an achy body, I do my best. This morning, I was looking out my kitchen window. The above picture is what I stare at in the mornings while I drink my cup of coffee and tune out the chatter that is going on. I stare and drink in the day. I watch for deer and egrets and I take a deep breath. It seems like everyone has already started before me and I have to catch up.

Even though I don't have it all together, staring at the beauty that God has created just quiets my soul and prepares me for the day. I find myself thankful ....

for where we are
what He is in my life
my husband
my three adorable boys
for daily Hope
for this life

And then, I kick it into gear, turning my attention to the three boys that call me Mama. For as much as I complain and struggle with selfish desires, deep down I am more then grateful, I am blessed with ALL that He has provided for me.

What's a Girl Supposed to Do? Really....

2010-09-30T12:10:00.002-05:00

Okay peeps, I need some ideas. It's the age old question, the issue that is among many of those who choose to stay at home with their babies or homeschool or both ~ we need some extra income....

A one income household is always running on the tight end of life. My husband is a wonderful provider. Seriously, there are no complaints on this end with his work ethic and his dedication to provide for our family.

But lets be real, we've got school debt, a house we want to buy, thoughts of adoption in the future, and plenty of expenses with three kids, renovations, and life in general. A little extra moolah would be helpful all around.

I need some creative ideas. Help me! Let's put our heads together and think of things outside of the normal job box!

Here's the scenario.... whatever I do needs to be at home, flexible and have the ability for me to put it aside and focus on school curriculum's, diapers, dinners, legos, and anything else this family needs. My first priority is to continue being the wife and mom I'm suppose to be. Second, I can't plan to leave the house in the evenings or weekends... nope, my husbands current job has a rotating schedule that includes weekends and working 12 hour shifts. Yep, I'm the primary one at home. Third, what am I actually good at? Well, in the worlds eyes, not a whole lot. I mean I've got some talents - my own ones like writing, baking, painting, decorating, funkifying something up, organizing, encouraging people, teaching, etc.

What I am not good at??? Selling things - for real, I couldn't be a P*mp*red Ch*f consultant or anything along those lines, to save my life. And don't make me call people - I can't even stay connected to my friends and family from afar. Who has time to get on a phone and talk with three kids running around?

Yeah.... see the issue here? What in the world could I do that would help out a little with some of the bills around here?

There has to be someone out there that has a good, creative, interesting idea!

6 Year Old Swinging, 6 Year Old Thinking

2010-09-25T08:09:00.003-05:00

I love, love, love this little boy of mine. The other day he was swinging on the tire swing in the yard with one arm to hold on with, like a monkey. At the highest point of the swing, he fell flat on his face. I was sure that he had broken his nose and was going to look up without any teeth. Thankfully, he was bloodless and only bruised. Whew!

Not more then 10 minutes later he and his brother we playing with a rope and the tire swing (again). His brother pulled the rope through the swing very hard and rope burned Zach's hands. The above pic is my little Z-man, bruised and band aided up. Boy did he get some serious cuddles that night.

Here I Am
written by Zach for school work

My feet are for walking and jumping.

My nose is for smelling whoopie pies and cake. Yummy!!!

My ears are for hearing the ocean and cars.

My elbows can punch!

My brain is for thinking about raining Legos!

My fingers are for feeling something sticky and snapping and building! WOW!!

My tongue is for tasting oranges, pineapples, and cookies!

My eyes are for seeing stars and Lego things I make. Big eyeballs!

I like my body!

I love my little boy! Bruises, band aids, silly stories, and all!

We Were Supposed to ...

2010-09-24T08:37:00.003-05:00

Today we were supposed to be packing up the car and heading out to my brothers house for the weekend...

Instead we are all sitting in our jammies drinking coffee or cocoa.

We were supposed to be watching six nieces and nephews running around together, having all the big kids sleep in the same room at night, while the parents deal with mid night rendezvous with the little ones under 12 months of age.

Instead we are listening to childrens folk songs on Pandora.com while milking sinus headaches.

We were supposed to be trucking off to a fall festival, the two families that we are on Saturday, and then to church on Sunday morning to watch the youngest family member be baptized.

Instead, my husband allowed me to sleep in till the glorious time of 8 am this morning!

Plans were scratched due to sickness in our home. And while my heart is disappointed to not be with my brother and his sweet family for a long weekend, I will choose to enjoy this weekend. Cuddling, jammies, quiet music, working on small projects and a three day weekend without any plans, while getting rid of fevers, sore throats, headaches, and congestion, is on tap for this family.

Oh Yea, I Get this One!

2010-09-22T11:45:00.003-05:00

I have a long list of bloggers that I read in my spare time (wait, stop for a minute... I said spare time. I'm laughing, as I write!). Anyways, my reads include everything from being thrifty, decorating and renovating, local and not so local friends, families, and adoption.

Yea, I said the word adoption on my blog .... out loud. I'm not going any further, other then I've always wanted to adopt and we are praying about it. The End.

Anyways, I love this blogger and today she wrote something I can totally relate to. Check out how Courtney explains about being suckered punched on a pretty regular basis. She is working at choosing joy over the daily issues we face.

I hear her....

Or as my one friend said a couple of weeks ago .... Word.

Oh yes... yes... yes..

Could I give you a list of the ways we have been sucker punched over the last several years? You bet your sweet bippy I could. Some days, I spend it licking wounds and questioning God.

You know what though, most days I work VERY hard at ENJOYING the Journey of this life of mine. It's refreshing to see some one else put it out there. Go ahead, read Courtney's thought process on it all! See what you think! Sucker Punch

Order

2010-09-21T08:58:00.003-05:00

Order.... I crave it.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to be able to have everything that we own put away in the right places, nice and neat on clean shelves.

Or perhaps, an ordered schedule. Cory started a new job, one that rotates days. We started a new type of homeschooling that requires a lot of adjustment. Oh, and add in a sweet little baby who needs attention in the middle of daily life!

Oh order.... what a gift it is.

To actually be able to complete a thought would be nice too. Who remembers what it is like to be waking up once or twice a night to take care of the cries that call out for a mama? Baby brain mush... I have a heavy dose of it these days.

Paperwork and bills, phone calls that need to be made, emails that I need to return. I need to make a list.

Everything in its place ~ lovely!

A house that has two rooms without ceilings or real floors, boxes shoved in a room or two, or maybe a lawn that hasn't been mowed in a couple of weeks, it all can drive me batty.

I suppose we can only do so much in one day. But what I wouldn't give to snap my fingers and have it all put together and in order.

Each night, I crawl into my bed, exhausted from the days work. Some nights, I am worried and anxious about everything I haven't accomplished. However, more and more I am feeling thankfulness rising up inside of me.

At least, my children were schooled today. Wow, I got alot of laundry done. Oooh, I was able to finally write down the schedule for the month. I shopped... I went to the food store, with a plan and a list. WOW! I think my home is starting to feel a bit peaceful, amidst all the unfinished work.

Yeah, we are coming along. Slowly, but surely.

Just Us

2010-09-09T18:33:00.002-05:00

It's been over 5 years since Cory and I have lived without someone else, other then our children. Before our big move to North Carolina, we had the opportunity to have my mom live with us. She was very ill and could not live on her own, drive a car, or work. We invited her into our home right around the time that Zach turned 4 month old. Zach just turned 6 two weeks ago.

When we were praying about what to do with the next part of our lives, we kept feeling like the Lord was saying over and over again, "Plant roots and focus on your family." We took a year to come to the conclusion that those roots needed to be in PA, hence the move back home.

We've lived with my mom, 11 college age females, and most recently Cory's parents. What a journey it has been to live daily life with all those people. I've learned the most amazing things about myself. I'm more resilient and way more introverted now. I crave peace and quiet and I can only handle large crowds for a certain amount of time.

Having people live with you, gives you the opportunity to look at life through someone elses eyes. No matter what age or stage of life, each person we communed with taught us a great deal!

Now, it is just us... out in the country, where deer and (apparently, according to my neighbor) bear can roam freely in our backyard. Our boxes are far from unpacked, the house is still in shambles, but the simplicity (not really, when there are 3 kids!) of just the 5 of us, is something that I'm going to have to get used to.

It looks like the next part of this journey of mine, is figuring out just who we are as our little family. It should be interesting!

Home

2010-09-04T19:32:00.009-05:00

A little over a week ago we moved into our home. With plenty of work still ahead of us, we are slowly making this place ours.

It's been a long, hard, sweaty and eventful summer. Some day I could blog a list of all the wild life we've encountered or in some instances killed. Yeah, that's my main man holding a dead black snake. Wrestling that baby was an act of love done just for me.

The kiddos all grew up in different ways this summer. Elijah enjoyed a week at day camp, turned 8 years old, and grew into an amazing big brother to his youngest sibling, Simon.

Of course, the Si-guy, has done his own growing this summer ... popping two teeth, working on two more, falling in love with his grandparents and his aunt and uncle, as well as getting himself ready to become mobile any day now. (God help me!!! I mean it, how will I ever keep up with him in this reno house????)

I worked like a man this summer. Seriously... I. worked. like. a. man. I haven't worked that hard since I was a teenager. I mowed lawns, scrubbed floors, installed floors, painted, cleaned, nursed a baby, ran after two squirrely little boys, raked, hauled 2200 pounds of metal to a recycling plant, carried a 20 pounder on my back, discussed in depth design ideas, and fell even more in love with my husband and my little boys.

My little Z man turned 6, fell in love with a kitten that he convinced Grandma to keep at her house, grew muscles that he proudly will show you, and shared with me daily just how happy he was to have moved to the country.

I've said it before, I'll say it again... when I die, please put "Never a Dull Moment" on my headstone. Because that is the story of my funny little life. It is never a dull moment in our household. This summer didn't fail us with stories, black and blue marks, and reconnected relationships. And while I am thoroughly exhausted, I am thankful.

Family Work Day

2010-06-12T20:11:00.004-05:00

The family that works together .... stays together? Or gets alot accomplished? Maybe raises a few kids that have a work ethic? We will see.

Today, I instructed that kids that in order for us to move into our new home we are going to have to work really hard for a couple of months to get it ready. I shared with them that in the Bible, God tells us to be hard working, wise people.

Our new home is more then just a fixer upper! Everywhere you look there is projects to do. A soon to be crawling baby could have a life threatening field day in that house!

So, we are pulling up our sleeves, donning some work gloves, and planning a summer of sweaty, hard work! Our goal .... to be in our home by the end of the summer, if not sooner.

Watching my kids lug bricks and pull out weeds today made me feel so excited for them. When I was a kid, my parents taught my brother and I how to work. I have memories of climbing up on top of a roof with my dad, learning how to run electric, and hammering in nail after nail.

As a child, I didn't always like working. Infact, I used to think my parents were too hard on us. But now as an adult, I can look back on those times and thank them for what they taught me and who I am now.

I love my boys deeply! I want them to be healthy, wise, strong men of God. I want them to see that working hard will pay off. I want them to enjoy the reward of having a work ethic!

I love the thought of working with my own kids on projects! How cool is that?!!!

Not Succombing to My Grumpiness

2010-06-11T09:31:00.003-05:00

I went to bed grumpy and woke up grumpy.

I'm one of those people who just can't cry. It takes a lot for me to actually finally let go and cry. Many times I'll have a huge lump in my throat but it takes so much for it to actually finally come out. I need to cry.... really, I need to.

Last night I was perusing facebook looking at pictures of friends. I found myself feeling so confused. Who am I? I miss NC and yet desperately want to be in PA. I don't have a home set up yet, a schedule for my kids and I to follow, my own blankets and bed. I feel lost and grumpy.

Yet, I have so much to be thankful for... I'm serious, I really do.

So, while I am not going to be all Pollyanna on you, I am outwardly declaring the things that I am thankful for...

~ Family
* in laws who joyfully put us up in their home, gush over my kids, let us take over, spoil us with things we haven't had in years, snuggle with the baby when I want to do something, and generally just loves us no matter what.
* Brother in law and sister in law - support us, laugh with us, generous and caring, love our kids and enjoy us for our quirks and personalities
* my dad and his wife, whom are willing to turn themselves into a pretzel to make a home work for my ever growing family.
* a soon to meet and love niece or nephew, whom will only be less then 6 months younger then my Simon

~Friends
*who have totally been giving us our space as we transition out of "shock," who love us unconditionally, who give to us, laugh with us, encourage us,
* for regular emails and phone calls that include - "I love you, I'm here for you, I'm willing to wait until you are ready to come out of your cave, I'm not giving up on you."

~ God's provision
*leads on jobs, bills that come in less then we were expecting, money that is NOT flowing out of our accounts, amazing deals, favor with others, and generosity

~Our Church
*both in NC and in PA - who see what God has in us and encourages us to keep moving forward one day at a time, who again laughs with us and encourages us!

~My husband
*this Godly man, who chooses to provide and take care of us, who encourages me to be part of all the decisions, who tenderly listens to me and says, "I'm sorry I can't make it better for you, but I love you," and then hugs me, who is willing to put aside his dreams and desires for us, who works and plays hard. I truly, deeply love my husband.

I feel better already. Now, I'm going to clean up, put on some sneakers and walk over to my brother in laws house for a work day.

The Little Punk that He Is!!!

2010-06-09T10:01:00.003-05:00

Elijah got a camera for Christmas this year. His grandparents decided to get themselves a new one and for Christmas they gave Elijah their used one, along with any extra amenities that could go with it.

Now, a camera is the perfect gift for my Drama King, especially since it also video records. We download his pictures and videos often and find the most hilarious little stunts.

Last week, when Uncle Chad took the boys to one of the farms, I was on my A game and told Elijah to grab his camera. My previous post includes some of the beautiful pics that he took.

But since he is seven (almost eight mom, with an eye roll) and he has acquired his fathers antagonistic ways, I found many of the following two pictures.

What boy isn't intrigued by a cow patty??? I mean, c'mon its a huge pile of poop, just sitting there, waiting to have its picture taken by a devious little seven year old.

Of course, if cow patties are your thing, then why not capture the EXACT place that they come from? A cow's beee hind.

Yeah, lovin me some good ole fashion cow butt and poop pics. Yee haw! Can you hear a little seven year old punk in the background laughing uncontrollably???

Green

2010-06-07T09:00:00.002-05:00

Why is it when we were teens, we didn't appreciate what we had when we had it? One of the reasons that I swore I would never move back to my home town was because I struggle with a lot of difficult memories. And truthfully, I think somewhere in the back of my mind I've been a bit of a snob.

Since God has given us a bit of a detour here, I've found myself back in the small town that I grew up in. Now, that I am older and wiser (wink) I am finding the beauty in the life that is around me.

This is my brother in law with my sweet Z-man. The country life is paradise for my Zachy. Tractors, lots of open fields, trees, nature, and not alot of people makes my Zach a happy boy! Oh, and he LOVES his Uncle Chad!

I love the fact that green is really green here. The contrast of the black and white cows, the red barns and white silos, with all the beautiful and rich greens surrounding it makes me inhale deeply. Green represents life and life is all around here, just in a much quieter way.

I asked my brother in law the other day if he really liked living in the same area most of his entire life. He paused and thought for a moment, "yea, I love it," was his response. He loves that he knows others, he knows who he can trust, who he can rely on. He loves that farmers come together and help each other. He loves that he can retreat to the quietness of his home.

Right now, I love watching my children run around freely. I love looking at where I grew up through more mature eyes. I appreciate the peace and quiet, the ability to retreat and inhale the depths of life around me.

Decompressing

2010-06-05T16:49:00.005-05:00

When we were packing up the house in NC, I mentioned to someone that when we arrive in PA, I'm sure I will go through some decompressing time of all that we have experienced while living down in the south. Little did I know that our time of quietness was literally going to hit upon our arrival.

Since our housing situation is up in the air and Cory is still job hunting, we are currently residing with his parents until the rest of the pieces of our puzzle comes together.

The above picture is the quiet country road they live on.

And these beauties are what surround my in laws home.... acres upon acres of trees or farmland. It's wonderfully quiet around here.

It seems as though I struggle with sitting still. Well, more like I struggle with letting my mind relax and just trusting our God. If I keep my hands busy, then my mind doesn't wonder. I sort of feel like Dory in Little Nemo, "Just keep moving, just keep moving."

And yet, I've yearned and begged God for a respite, a time of quietness. I have even gone as far as the point of asking to just be bored for just a little while.

It's taken me a bit to realize the gift that I have before me right now. I'm in a home, staying with Cory's parents, who adore being grandparents. They love us, love being around the grandchildren and want the best for us.

It's quiet, peaceful, with very little responsibilities that have to be done.

It's funny, because I don't want to be lazy and negligent but I don't want to ignore the gift of quietness and times of refreshing. Instead I want to embrace what God has given me, soaking in the sun and solitude.

Transplanting

2010-06-03T14:10:00.007-05:00

I had a wise friend share something with me yesterday. He said, when a plant is uprooted and replanted into new soil, they go through shock, before they begin to grow or even bear fruit.

"In the process of maintaining your plants indoors, most of them like to be on a schedule. Introducing a new pot, new soil, and disturbing the root system may cause the plant to "react". This reaction could be in the form of dropping leaves, drooping or wilting leaves, brown tips, or the plant might just grow nuts," found at http://www.plant-care.com/repotting-house-plants-why.html.

Facing plenty of unknowns, throwing in a move from state to state, and dealing with an abnormal schedule, makes this mama feel more then a bit overwhelmed and rather nuts.

So, I've retreated out to the country at my in laws home, where the children can roam freely, coffee is never ending, and cell phone reception doesn't work.

Sometimes, it is better to stay quiet and lay low while you are in the middle of transition. It is especially important when there are so many unknowns. Housing, jobs, schedules, what to dig into, what to leave alone ...... is enough to work through for this recently transplanted family.

A Bloggy Celebrity Meeting....

2010-05-11T09:39:00.006-05:00

So I met the famous blogging celebrity Pioneer Woman last Friday night! My totally rockin, cool husband was listening to the radio and heard her interview. He then heard that she was in the Charlotte area and decided that we should pack up the kiddos and head on down to Southpark for the evening.

This is P-Dub, Ree Drummond, Pioneer Woman answering questions from the crowd. She shared the depths of her soul by discussing spanks, boxers vs briefs, portion sizes, and sweating. Who needs to answer thought provoking, soul searching questions about life, when you can read all about her here?

We waited for over 5 hours until our group was called. Too bad my eyes aren't looking forward, you might have seen exhaustion and a look of "what was I thinking" in them. Instead of eyes, focus on the cheeks of my youngest? They are so squeezable!

You also can't see the line of drool that just happened to be following us as we moved forward. It was on hardwood floors. I'm praying that some old lady didn't slip.

Cory told the kids that this was a Mother's Day present for me. There involvement in the gift was that they were not allowed to complain during the whole time that we were there. Surprisingly they really didn't.

Instead I heard only 150 bizillion times, the following... "Boom, Bang.... Fire Powahhhh..."

They've only watched Night at the Museum once. But really, my kids are not influenced by media... really.

The long anticipated picture of Simon, myself and the famous Pioneer Woman, signing my own personal copy of her cookbook!!!

For real.... this was one of those crazy fun moments in my life, that I will laugh about over and over again. Who takes three kids to a small, expensive book store and waits 5 hours to meet some woman who writes a blog? Only to sit for all of 30 seconds and get a signature??? Me. Yup. Me.

We are a little nuts in this family!

Sure... I'll Brag on him for Just a Minute

2010-04-27T17:54:00.003-05:00

I enrolled EJ into a science class this year. They spent the entire year focusing on inventors. This was right up his alley, learning about inventions and the people behind them.

To finish off the year, EJ had to put together his own invention. He decided that he wanted to invent a game.

What I love about this boy, is that I can teach him logic and he gets it and thrives off of it. I sat him down and we brainstormed about three different topics he could use for his game. He came up with history, video games, and the body. After discussing them, he chose to use history as his topic for the game.

Using the California Trail, the Sante Fe Trail, and the Oregon Trail as a spring board, EJ formulated that he wanted to make a trail that each player had to follow throughout the USA. He started in Maine and ended in California.

He created a spin wheel, mapped out his trail, added specific things you had to do when you landed there, and thought up his own set of instructions. Then he used pictures of famous history makers, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Betsy Ross, and Harriet Tubman, as his pieces.

What fun it was to watch him create his very own game. He named it... The American Trail.

I watched as he stood in front of the class today, sharing his own invention. He was confident and excited. And I was one proud mama!!

Waving the White Flag

2010-04-25T15:58:00.004-05:00

I surrender.

I don't know all the answers. I can't get it all done in time. I'm only one person whose heart is trying as hard as possible. I can't be it all, have it all, do it all.

I surrender....

joyfully and with no expectations for anything else.

I surrender ...

and with my surrender, I will simply focus on loving my God, loving my husband, and loving my children the best that I can.

I surrender...

I will ask for help. I will say no more often. I will allow others to see that I don't have it all together. I will be human.

I surrender .... I surrender it all.

Psalm 23

2010-04-20T19:21:00.007-05:00

One of my biggest faults and issues in life, is how I handle stress. I'm a go-getter type of person. I like to be efficient, do everything with all my heart, work hard and love harder.

Yesterday as I found myself being completely impatient with the kids and feeling very overwhelmed, I attempted to pull myself away from life circumstances and spend a moment or two really evaluating what was going on.

My oh my, have we lived a life of transition over the last several years. Since Zach was born, we have only gone 6 months without having someone live with us. We've moved, gone to bible school, learned how to live without securities like a job or health insurance or savings. We've traveled out of the country and in it. Then we spent the last year fighting through a hard pregnancy, to get to the next transition in our life... our wonderful Simon.

Now, we are packing up the house again and moving back to PA. Saying good bye to dear friends, to students that have lived impactful moments of their lives with us, to girls whom came to us single and left us married, to a church that has grown by leaps and bounds, and to a lifestyle that has challenged us daily.

Transition...

Unfortunately for me, the adventure of our lives doesn't always measure up to what I feel like I can handle. Stress creeps up in the smallest of ways.

I realized yesterday that its a snowball effect. Something small happens, a normal life circumstance...

One of the boys gets sick, or heck all three of them do. Normal people would just deal with it, but I'm so keyed up that it seems bigger then it really is. Then bills come in, the house is a mess, boxes are adding up, and worries about jobs and the house we are moving into next are lingering in the back of my mind.

What I wouldn't give, to be able to just lay that all down and not worry about it. To walk in true peace and trust, that my God will take care of ALL my needs and that the trials that I endure will make me stronger.

This morning, I woke up determined to walk in peace today. I purposed myself to love and enjoy my children, to appreciate and adore my husband, and to trust that just for today my God would take care of my needs.

Today - He sat me in a green pasture and even led me to quiet waters. He gently worked on restoring my soul. He guided me on a path of righteousness, especially with my boys. Goodness and love followed me today, as I dwelled on the house of the Lord.

It was good.

If Only....

2010-04-19T13:06:00.004-05:00

I was talking with my husband today. "I need to learn how to stop stressing," I told him. He chuckled, "you are learning babe."

My reply, "yes, but I wish I had it down now, not later."

Which sent him into even more laughter. Because of course, only I get stressed over stressing!

My house is torn to pieces as we are packing to move. Yes, if I haven't told you already (it's really not personal) we are moving back to PA .... in one month. So, I have boxes everywhere and dirty floors and piles of what I plan to sell or give away.

Then all three of my kids have been battling viruses or infections. I'm more then personally acquainted with my doctor these days and tired of visiting my local Walgreens.

I'm trying to finish up homeschooling before we move. That is on top of being a bit behind, because I had a baby this year. The kids are dutifully doing their work and putting up with my whip master attitude on it all.

The house we are moving to is going to require a ton of work. So in amongst packing this house up, I am throwing around paint ideas and construction thoughts, as well as how to deep clean the in ground pool that comes with the house.

I started massage therapy for my fibro pain, hoping to relieve some of the tension in my body. Instead, my body is reacting to the years of tense muscles and causing my days to be rather ouchy.

I need peace and quiet. I'm in serious need of some alone time. I'm dying for a moment where someone doesn't need me or isn't spilling something or crying or has a question or something. My mothering skills are beyond lacking for the level of stress I feel.

If only, I could just have this whole stress thing figured out by now.... if only!

Multifaceted

2010-04-07T13:45:00.003-05:00

having many aspects

a many-sided subject

having numerous aspects or attributes

Recently, I had a discussion with a friend of mine. I was sharing about how I felt as though we had gotten so close to something and then God pulled us back. In one sense I was disappointed and in another sense, I understood and even agreed completely.

She shared with me that we are multifaceted people, that God shines His light in specific areas of our lives at very specific times. She literally held up her hand as though a large diamond were in it, and she turned that diamond around and around inspecting it.

I am multifaceted. I have many sides and attributes. I have more then just one or two deep ideas hidden in my heart (and sometimes on my sleeve!). Even better, so is our God. He's not a boring Fellow, at all. He always has something exciting and different to learn and grow on. That is what I enjoy about Him the most, He's never boring.

Since we are made in the image of God, our lives should never look the same all the time. Recently, God has been bringing me back over and over again to Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Sometimes it is hard for me to recognize that a season is changing in my life. I have to be reminded that He is multifaceted and so am I. And so, it seems as though I am getting ready for God to shine His light on another side of me....

Resurrected Life

2010-04-04T08:57:00.004-05:00

I am forever grateful for the Hope that His resurrection has brought to my life. I thank the Lord for the Peace that has come as I daily give myself to Him. Trials will come and go, but living life with my God is what makes all those hard times easier.

I challenge you to take 10 minutes today and think about your life. Do you walk in hope or in fear? Do you know true Peace or does worry rule your life?

True Life, doesn't come in a church service or a specific day. It comes in understanding what His Resurrection really means, for YOUR life ~ not mine, not your neighbors, your parents or anyone else, but your life.

It's not as complicated as we make it out to be. An authentic life with Him, is worth it all, this side of Heaven.

Try Not to be Too Mean

2010-03-23T11:15:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I am about to say something that is going to rile many of you up. I'm positive that I will get some negative remarks or misunderstandings on all of this. But just remember whatever you write on my blog will go into the history of my little legacy, as I still have every intention of printing this blog off for my kids and grand kids. So, if you want to write a litany of angry comments go ahead... I'll remember you and so will my kids, grand kids and so on. (wink!)

With that said.... here it is - I'm a little happy about the health care bill.

Whew - it's out. Finally....

Listen, I don't understand all of the ins and outs of the whole bill. Maybe someday I'll write another post as to why I think it is horrible. Who knows.

What I do know is this, our country needs some sort of universal health care system. It's a fact. The great and mighty United States of America is a mess when it comes to this issue. Frankly, we need to figure something out with it all.

Does that mean that I agree with everything that is being passed? Nope.

Do I think that this is the answer to the entire problem? Not even maybe.

Is it going to be messy and ridiculous? You know it is.

But at least it is the start of SOMETHING. The bill as it is passed, right now, will not always look this way. People will fight, the kinks will get straightened out, and for the next hundred years bureaucrats will tear this apart and rebuild it back again.

We are at the very beginning of it all. The beginning is always messy, especially when you have so many opinions on it. But at least something is being done.

Go ahead call me an idealist on this or naive, uneducated, whatever. How will we ever get anywhere if we don't start somewhere? That is what our government just did, they started somewhere. Truthfully, that is historic.

Okay, back to my regularly scheduled, non confrontational, love God, love my boys, love my little life posts.

Talk amongst yourselves!

Transition Makes Me Nervous

2010-03-22T11:06:00.003-05:00

Cory and I have been in a season of "Survival Mode," for years it feels like. For quite sometime now, we have sensed that we are going to be making a transition. We've prayed and prayed and prayed our hearts out. And we've been quiet and listened for what seems like an eternity.

Our God is a good and loving God. And He does speak, in a soft still voice to us. While His timing is never my timing (because I am impatient), it is always good.

Some things we know for sure that God has confirmed in our hearts, it's time to plant some roots and to focus on our family. We also know that our season of housing students is coming to an end.

Don't ask me where or how or what we are doing next. Because as much as I'd like to tell you a step by step plan, we don't have it all figured out yet. Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

I always thought of myself as a someone who enjoys a good adventure. I am beginning to think of myself as a bit of wuss. Transition makes me nervous...

It's different when you have children to deal with. If it were just Cory and I, I think I'd be a whole lot more relaxed about our life. But now, that I have birthed baby number three and I know in my heart that we want at least one or two more children, I am struggling with not knowing what normal is in our lives. And how do I reconcile the dreams that have been on my heart for so many years with what our beautiful, yet not super adventurous, life looks like now?

I am trying to trust that whatever is around the corner for us, will be good.

more to come, I'm sure....

Sunday Mornings

2010-03-21T10:11:00.003-05:00

Tiny fingers and toes seem to have altered my typical Sunday mornings currently. I'm not sure about the rest of you moms out there, but Sunday morning church services feel somewhat impossible for me these days. It's not that I can't get there. It's what happens WHEN I am there. Usually, Cory and I are trading Simon back and forth, holding him, snuggling him, helping him to either stay asleep or stay quiet. That usually takes up all of worship. When everyone settles down to listen to the message, I'm back in the nursing moms room, feeding my little dude. And inevitably, I'm in a great discussion with another mom. So, nursing and changing his diaper ends up taking a little extra time. By the time I get out to the service, most of the message is over and I'm catching the tale end of it all, by standing in the back bouncing Simon, as he finds a wonderful spot on my shoulder and slips into slumber again.

I am NOT complaining, because I LOVE it. I love holding him and snuggling with him and nursing him and everything that has to do with him! I really do.

The conflict comes when I think about how much time am I really getting with the Lord. I am a firm believer that church is not another club. We don't gather together just to socialize or catch up on the newest announcements. No, when I go to church I am there to corporately worship the God that I love. I am there to be challenged by a message. I am there to pray and encourage others. I am there to be strengthened.

Seasons come and seasons go. These days, I find it difficult to actually get to church and really engage. This morning, Cory and the boys set out for service, while Simon and I stayed home. I turned some worship music on, grabbed my bible and journal and snuggled up with my Simon. I prayed, lamented with the Lord, and then challenged myself in a few readings.

I miss corporate worship on a regular basis. But I need genuine time with my God. A quiet home, with a sleeping baby on my shoulder, a yummy cup of coffee, and some good worship music is the season I am in right now. Instead of getting myself wrapped up in what I am missing, I am choosing to ENJOY the season I am in right now. Some Sunday morning are more authentic and wonderful spent at home with my God.

"You Guys Drink A lot of Coffee..."

2010-03-11T09:08:00.003-05:00

observed, Bonnie, one of the girls who lives with us.

Ummm, yes. Yes I do drink a lot of coffee. There's just no choice in the matter anymore. I've grown up, I am an adult now. A mama of three boys, a homeschooler, and a ridiculous woman who's always working on something.... I NEED coffee.

I also need sleep. But we all need something...right?

Crushed

2010-03-10T11:57:00.004-05:00

Oswald Chambers said, "...but it takes a heart broken by conviction of sin, baptized by the Holy Spirit, and crushed into submission to God's purpose to make a person's life a holy example of God's message."

I keep saying to Cory lately that I feel like we have been in survival mode for the last 3 or so years. We are doing all that we can, just to keep our heads above the water.

When I read Chambers thoughts this morning, I realized that survival mode can also feel like being "crushed into submission to God's purpose."

Surprisingly, I was encouraged by this. No matter how hard things are, no matter how exhausted I am, or how badly I just want things to be easier, I am stubbornly in love with our God. And I refuse to move or change without knowing His perfect will for me.

I want my life to be a holy example of God's message.... even if that means I need to be crushed again and again.

Brothers For Life

2010-03-09T06:40:00.001-05:00

Never could have guessed just how amazing of a big brother EJ was going to be! Oh how he loves his baby brother!!!

My Heart is Set Free

2010-02-27T17:11:00.001-05:00

Give me some of that hippy lovin, christian singing, folky kind of music.... and watch my blood pressure lower in an instant.

Hey PA friends, I've found a band that I LOVE. Check it out.... Jonathon David Helser.

Hand me a paint brush, a blank canvas, scripture written on my heart, and THIS band....

oh and maybe a yummy cup of coffee and quiet entertainment for the kids.

It's not too much to ask for, right?!!!

Evolving Style

2010-02-27T16:48:00.004-05:00

Painting, writing, listening to music, sewing, designing, working on my home, putting together ideas for the kids, the list could go on and on.

Cory and I went out for a long date today. We purposed ourselves to not talk about anything deep. We grabbed the little Si-guy, popped him in the car, paid one of our live in girls to watch the older two boys and headed off to the mall. Yep, the mall.

I've horded much of the Christmas and birthday money we were given this year into a special account to use when the kids need things. You know, things like jeans, school books, anything that is educational or needed for life. I just don't buy TOYS with the money. They get plenty of those already. I'm the mama, I spend the money on the non fun things they need. And I like it.

In between Childrens Place and Old Navy, I mozied into TJ Maxx and eyed up a blue bowl stand. It was so pretty and would look perfect on my dining room table. I showed Cory. He snickered at me and we moved on. Then I saw this red ladder stand that would be just funky for my living room. I showed Cory. He said, "hmm..."

And that is when it came out.... "boy, your style has changed," he told me. Yes it has... More and more it's becoming the style of "find me a beat up piece of furniture in the trash and give me some paint."

I'm in the mood to find an old farm table and then I want to get mismatched chairs. I want to paint the mismatched chairs in funky blues and greens with some flowers on them and place them around the table. Then I want to find a bench to go with it. I want to paint flowers on the bench too.

I just love creating. I love painting and writing and sewing. I love turning the music up loud, wrapping a bandanna around my head, and immersing myself in some sort of project. Somehow in the midst of that, my mind clears out, my ears tune in to God, and my heart settles a bit.

My style has changed. Or maybe, it has just evolved more into what God has for me.

A Thankful Heart

2010-02-09T11:28:00.003-05:00

My small group is reading the book, Strengthen Yourself in the Lord, by Bill Johnson. It really is a wonderful book. But then again, God has blessed us all with such a neat man, as Bill Johnson. I love to listen and read anything that he talks about!

One of the things that Bill stresses, is that we need to have a thankful heart. We need to increase our praises to the One who has created us. When I pray, I always start out with thanksgiving. It's interesting, telling the Creator what you are thankful for. Sometimes, I feel as though it's so small in comparison to Him.

Also, I find myself struggling with praising Him. I do. My heart is grateful for all that He has done, but I find myself thanking Him for the same things over and over again. I imagine, in my little world of perfectionism, that He isn't as annoyed with that as I am. I hate to be repetitive in my prayers. I want to talk to my God, like I think about Him, as my best friend. I want to enjoy Him and tell Him my enjoyment in Him. Still He knows my heart....

Today, I was feeding Simon and my mind wondered to where it usually goes when I spend my time with the little guy.... into a loving place of adoration. It's been 5 years since I had an infant in my house and no matter how hard I tried before he was born, I have forgotten about what it is like to have an infant in my home. I am so thankful that I get to snuggle with this little one, listen to his coo's or watch his smile emerge. I don't mind so much, getting up in the middle of the night and feeding him. It's my special time with him.

I wrote in my journal last week, that I want to hit a new level of praise and thanksgiving to our Lord and not just out of what I can see or hear or even experience. I want to have that deep down adoration for Him, similar to how I feel about my newest son. I want to cherish my moments with our Lord like I cherish the times I deeply drink in Simon. And then, I want to be able to verbalize it to our God. I want more then just a thankful heart.

1 Month

2010-01-31T19:57:00.003-05:00

Dear Simon,

It's hard to believe that almost a whole month has past by already. In an instant you have brought an amazing amount of joy to our family.

Daddy melts into a puddle when he holds you, snuggling up every ounce of you that he can. Elijah, your oldest brother is delighted when we ask him to hold you. He sits there strong and mightily and holds you in his arms, patting your back and sometimes singing to you. I, of course, am beyond thrilled to snuggle with you, as you are an answer to the desires of my heart, another child to call mine.

You, my dear Simon, are one loved little boy!

Your name means "He has heard." I can't help but think that through your birth, a new season in our lives has come to us. A season with a deeper knowing, that our prayers are heard and answered. Our Lord hears us Simon, He hears us!

He has heard me. My heart is full of joy, as I thank my Creator, for giving me you. This month has been such a wonderful time, holding you, loving you, and enjoying you.

Happy 1rst month, my sweet Simon!

Baby Love

2010-01-08T17:20:00.002-05:00

My sweet baby boy #3, Simon David, is finally here! I am totally in love...

Each time I have a baby, things seem to grow and change in my heart. I remember having my first son, and falling deeply in love with him from the moment I saw him. He was tiny yet strong and was willing to fight for his life. Never in my entire life had I felt such a deep sense of "mama bear" love. Nothing was going to get between me and my son.

But first babies are hard. It's true. You just don't know what you are doing. You read hundreds of books, articles, and internet sites that advise you on every little ounce of your darling child. You turn to any girlfriend for advice, praying that they can show you something that might make a difference. And seriously, find me a new mom, who doesn't get advise from her mom or mother in law... it just comes with the territory.

By the time you've searched out every single tiny piece of advice, you're sour and tired and irritable because somewhere along the lines, you didn't get the owners manual to the child. You're forced to trust God and to learn from the baby himself. It's just the way it is. Still, it's worth it all!

If you are brave enough, you decide that this baby of yours needs a sibling. Before you know it, baby number two has entered the picture. What is surprising, is just how easy he is.

When Zman came along, I was much more laid back. Of course I fell in love again immediately. From the start, I was relaxed. This time around, I didn't need the lesson on how to change the diaper and that I should probably point it south! (you know what I'm talking about!!!) Breastfeeding wasn't a challenge, sleeping through the night happened on its own at 7 weeks, and I totally got over myself, letting the new little guy sleep with us once in a while. Yea, baby #2, was way more easier.

5 years have passed by.... and now I am holding my third son. The one, I spent months fighting for. The one, who when I found out I was pregnant, fell in love with BEFORE I looked at him. My heart not only is filled with love, but with joy and peace. This gift from God can bring me to tears in an instant!

As I was getting ready to push, during delivery, I kept saying, "I can't wait... I can't wait! I finally get to hold him! I finally get to see him!!! I just can't wait!"

That is where I am at. I am in love with this child. I have a beautiful feeling of peace with him. Holding him, nursing him, changing his diapers, getting up in the middle of the night, not having a completely clean house, or even having all my thoughts together.... it's the best! It's worth it all.

Hope ... Enjoying Today

2009-10-18T15:56:00.005-05:00

It's Sunday, a sweet day of rest. After this past week, we need a warm home with quiet rest in it. This week we battled the "scary" swine flu (which is just the flu), worked on daily life as much as possible, and then did the big race parking for the church yesterday. By the time we came home last night, we were wind burnt and thoroughly exhausted.

Today is a day to rest and bum around our home, enjoying what God has given us. So, I have warm beef vegetable soup in the crock pot, yummy rolls to be baked, and nine pounds of apples that went into applesauce and a pie. Yum.... Worship music is parading behind us in whatever room we are in. The kids and daddy worked on a fun little project together. Our house is warm and delicious right now.

So, here is how it works in my life, I stop writing when things are really tough in my heart. I just can't bring myself to sit down and write what is actually going on and allow the whole world to actually read it.

Now, don't get me wrong, in no way am I trying to paint a glorious picture of our lives each time I write. But explaining that, on almost a daily basis we are barraged with more and more hard things and that days, weeks, and months go by where I just can't, I can't talk about it, well it seems impossible to me.

Sometimes, I cry it out. Two weeks ago, that is exactly what I did. I cried it out for a good twenty four hours. Other times, I push myself to just deal with what I can control, home, kids, whatever and I work at it with everything I've got. Then at about 2 am in the middle of the night, I lay there wide awake mulling through my heart and head, trying to understand my life at that moment.

Most days, I have hope. The only thing that keeps me tied to Jesus. I have hope in Him. I have hope that no matter how big the battles in my heart are, He's bigger. I have hope that His word is true and He will be victorious in the end. I have hope that He does care and does hear all that I say to Him and that He really is going to come through for us.

I have hope.

And when it's hope that overcomes the rest of me, my days are sweet and full of joy. A couple of years ago, I asked the Lord to teach me to enjoy this journey of life. When Hope is what is driving me, then I look at my life .... like today, and I enjoy it, no matter what my circumstances are.

Write ... Little Man.... Write

2009-09-23T12:38:00.004-05:00

I love to write. There is something so relaxing in it for me. I gather my thoughts through my fingers and words and somehow it seems as though my heart is released. I've been a writer my entire life. I have journals dating all the way back to my first and second grade years. It is my outlet, my creative way of expressing myself.

I take seasons off from writing on this blog, mostly because I just can't share the deep and hard things that are going on in my heart and mind so freely. I realized over the last couple of years that I love and hurt deeply. I am not one of those people who mosey through life. I experience it ... all of it, taking it all in strongly.

My Elijah is very much like me, only a boy and age 7. While we were in Disney, each child had $100 of their own saved up money that they could spend on anything they wanted. It took all of three seconds for Zach to figure out what he wanted .... transformers and Lego's. But Elijah, well he actually came home with half of his money. He wasn't super interested in all the flashy toys and clothes. He found himself a book that he loved and succumbed a bit to the Lego store.

I chuckled at my two boys, so different from one another. Then it occurred to me that Elijah is a communicator, a lover of words, and desperately wants to explain life to people.

I've been working with him for a couple of years on how to journal. We started out simple, I would ask him questions, he would answer them, and I would write them down. Then it turned into, "tell me a story" and I would again, write it for him. It doesn't happen all the time, but enough that he remembers it and wants to re-read what we've written together.

This week I taught the boys how to brainstorm, using the bubble method. We explored all the things we loved about Disney. Then, yesterday, during school, I challenged him to write a fictional story. I was thinking it may be five or six sentences.

I hit a jackpot in that little man! Yes, I did! He wrote half of the story yesterday. Today he worked on some more of it and is still not finished. His eyes are twinkling, his heart is fired up with fun little ideas, and he has already read the beginning half to the entire dinner table last night. I believe my little Elijah is a writer!

Now, I'm quite aware that he is only 7 and we have years to go. But I love finding out what makes my children tick. I love capitalizing on what they love, finding ways to expand and encourage them in those areas. Zach is very much a builder. He can understand things spatially and put things together. Elijah, is a reader, a lover of words, a communicator and encourager. And perhaps a writer! I can't help but hope that this is a bit of a love for him!

Disney .... Part 1 of ??? Straight to the Facts

2009-09-21T12:43:00.005-05:00

Since going to Disney was a huge, get out of town, sort of vacation for us, I want to document a few of my favorite things. Because someday, I'm hoping this little blog of mine will be printed and bound and given to each of my children (which just for the record.... because I'm still in shock.... will include 3 boys).

So, it should be known that I get motion sickness very easily and I hate heat. Don't worry I'm not starting off complaining, I'm just setting the scene for you. Honestly though, we weren't there for more then 8 hours and I already had sweated through my entire outfit and threw up on the bus ride. Just laugh... because I did. I mean who goes all the way to Disney World, the capital of theme parks in the universe, and throws up on a bus ride back to the hotel??? Me. Yep me.

So, needless to say, Disney World is ummm well, like going to Hershey Park (for you PA'ers) or Carowinds (for you NC'ers) every day. If you're pregnant and get motion sickness rather easily, you tend to find the smaller things of the trip to be way more exciting...

Here are my top 5 favorite things from our Disney vacation....

1. spending the entire vacation with Cory's family (brother, sister in law, and parents). I LOVED it!

2. Cirque de Sol - La Nouba

3. Watching the fireworks at the Magic Kingdom

4. two restaurants - The Polynesian and Raglan Road Irish Pub - yum!

5. experiencing Disney World through my children's eyes

I hope to write a small post on each of these topics in the next week or so. And perhaps add some of the pictures taken while down there.

Can I just tell you though... it was such a blessing, an honest to goodness treat to be able to go to Disney World with my boys. The way that Cory and I look at it is this was the perfect time to go. The boys were at the great ages of 5 and 7. Our new baby boy is in utero, happily. The next couple of years we plan on doing vacations that include a rental house at the beach, where you relax, take naps, play in the sand and sea, and spend time with family or friends. This was the year to do Disney. We were so blessed to have had the opportunity to go!

Dear Little One Inside,

2009-09-11T13:15:00.003-05:00

This is probably one of the best days of this entire pregnancy so far!

When I woke this morning, I felt like it was Christmas morning. I couldn't wait until my scheduled doctors appointment. Today was the day I was going to see you and find out who you were!

I must admit, I was a bit nervous. Things had been so different this pregnancy. I was wondering if you were healthy or if something was wrong with me. I needed to see you and see what was going on inside.

Boy, did I pray this morning too. Asking the Lord to grant me the opportunity to find out if you were a girl or a boy. I am ready to call you by name. I am ready to continue making plans for your arrival.

Your ultrasound visit was amazing! You looked so good... all stretched out, showing us your long legs and your thin little fingers. The ultrasound tech, breezed through all the main things, showing us just how healthy you were! I almost cried, finally some good news - you looked perfect!

Before we got a good glimpse of you, the tech asked each of us what we thought you might be. Elijah (your oldest brother) replied, "girl." Z-man, second in line, said, "girl." And your Daddy and I both replied, it has to be a girl.

Just for the record, this pregnancy has certainly had its surprises.... so why not another one, right???

You my sweet one are a BOY!!! There was no denying it! You are all boy! And you are all mine! Was I disappointed? Not at all! Was I surprised? Sure was!

I want you to know this, I really think it is a privilege from the Lord, that he has given me three boys. I feel protected and loved and surrounded by strength. You are a gift to me and I can't wait to celebrate the day you arrive.

I have many plans for you. I'm going to hold you, snuggle with you, love you, and share you with your brothers! I can't wait to be your mama!

I love you Little One!
Oh, and don't worry, I know your name. When Daddy says so, everyone else will know too!

Just Thinking about the Holidays .... Already???

2009-09-09T20:01:00.004-05:00

So yesterday I was having a three hour phone date with my mom. Towards the end of it, she brought up Christmas, asking if it was still okay with us that she come down! "Of course," I said, "We are planning on it."

She went on with talking through some thoughts she had, which included the idea of maybe having a children's gingerbread house party. Quickly I stopped her thinking about how pregnant I was going to be at that point.

And then.... like forging flood waters, realization came racing in....

Before I tell you that realization.... let me remind you of some historical pregnancy facts. I've been pregnant only two times. Both times I was on bed rest by 33 weeks. My first born arrived at 34 weeks, my second at 37 weeks.

And for just a quick reminder - I am 21 weeks... today.

Take a quick look at the calendar... just for kicks. Want to know the approximate timing of 12 weeks from now, which may or may not be when I could possibly (but hopefully not) be on bed rest???? It's the week after THANKSGIVING!

Oh and while you are thinking about turkey, stuffing, and all the fix ins just flip over to the next month and look at the last week of December... that would be when I hit 37 weeks! Yea, the main goal in my mind to make it to....

OH MY GOODNESS!!!

Return with me to the phone conversation I was having with my mother.... she's pleasantly thinking about gingerbread men and icing, while I suddenly had a spike in my blood pressure. Do you know what I need to accomplish in the next say... 12 weeks??? How about Christmas shopping, and freezer meals, and oh let's not forget the baby's room! Aaahhhh!!! Just mix that in with my absolutely. crazy. daily life already (that of course, I love)....

Oh boy... or maybe girl. Or whatever! I've got much to accomplish and soon!

(And just for the record - I do believe in miracles. I certainly may not be on bedrest. I just happen to be a planner... that is all. Of course, my overall plan is to NOT be on bedrest. I'd just rather be on top of things then behind... know what I mean?)

Books, Books, Books

2009-08-30T19:17:00.002-05:00

I know in the past I have related my love for children's books. When EJ began reading, at 4, I was just so incredibly pleased and excited. My joy came from what I remembered as a child, my days were full of reading lots and lots of wonderful books. I loved to take a book outside and sit under a tree and read, read, read! I used to sneak books outside, or at bedtime, or anywhere else.

Did you know girls read such different books then boys? I know, it is common sense, when you think about it. Logically boys are going to be drawn to such different things then "yucky" girls. Especially when they are, say, age 7!

Friends, I need help! I'm always on a search for good books for my EJ to read. He's such a reader, like his mama was. But, he's just not that into the same series I was in, as a child. Not to mention that I have the problem of what is appropriate for his age, mixed with his level of understanding and reading comprehension. He's a second grader that can easily read and comprehend 4rth grade material. But, goodness I do not want him to devour fourth grade boy humor... not now.. not ever.

One more thing, before I release you to give me your opinions and thoughts.... I'm a bit picky and hard on what I allow my boys to read. I do not allow any books that include magic in them. Which cancels the Magic Treehouse, Magic School Bus, and anything else magic series. He is currently enjoying the Boxcar series and just found Encyclopedia Brown series. I'd love to transition him into some easy but intriguing biographies (again age appropriate!).

Give me some ideas friends! I'm dying to hear some good ideas!

Dear Little One Inside,

2009-08-26T07:00:00.000-05:00

I'm writing to you now, because I hope someday you look back on this letter and know in your heart just how loved you already are.

Within a few weeks of finding out that I was pregnant with you, I was laying in bed nausea's and exhausted, anxiously poking my belly to feel the hardness that begins with pregnancy. It was then that I realized that I already loved you. You weren't more then the size of a pea, but my heart was full of love and joy when I thought of you.

Someday, maybe you will understand this, but at 6-8 weeks pregnant it can be hard for me to really identify with the beginnings of a child inside of me. Yet, somehow I already knew I wanted you. I had been desiring you for years. Many times I would go to your daddy on earth and your Father in Heaven asking, begging them both, when would I hold my next child? Finally we heard the word, it was time and you were created!

I'm almost half way through this pregnancy. And my heart is overflowing with joy and excitement. Soon, I'll be holding you, singing to you, watching you grow up with my other two most favorite people in this world, your brothers!

Child of mine, I want you to know ~ you are wanted. You are an answer to my prayers. You are already cherished. You are loved. You, my child, are already adored!

A Few of My Favorite Things

2009-08-20T14:09:00.003-05:00

While I was on my hands and knees, this morning, scrubbing the kitchen floor, it occurred to me that I had completely forgotten about the nesting phase of pregnancy. Friends, I am full fledged, up to my eyeballs, loving every single second of it, nesting! Oh, glorious nesting... making lists, conquering them, feeling productive, and reminding my home of its true loveliness!

And while I was recollecting on the fact that second trimester pregnancies usually brings along the nesting phase, it occurred to me that there were several other things that I really, really like about being pregnant again.

So in complete random order, here are a few of my favorite things during this season of my life!

1. tomato sandwiches
2. cold crisp apples with cheese
3. cold sweet red grapes with cheese
4. ice water ~ extra ice
5. little flutters in my abdomen
6. dreaming of the baby's room
7. re-organizing closets, drawers, shelves and well, all the rooms
8. my kids asking me each week, "how big is the baby now, Mama?"
9. reading parenting magazines and not skipping the articles on infants
10. my husbands joyful servant heart at 11 pm at night, when I'm starving
11. protein - yummy!
12. knowing that summer is coming to an end soon, and I'm only half way there!
I can't wait to have a winter baby this time!
13. Clothes shopping ~ for both the baby and me!
14. air conditioning and fans ~ praise God for modern technology

15. dear friends and family and sweet new friends, who really care and show it thru acts of service (my not so secret love language!)

Did anyone else notice that I mentioned food several times. Oh yea, I'm loving the fact that the things I am craving are relatively healthy.

Well, I'm off to go tackle something on my "to do" list. Enjoy!

I Love this Man

2009-08-14T09:52:00.003-05:00

For the last couple of weeks, Cory and I have been on a bit of a honeymoon with each other. He is finally done with school and even though the school itself is on break, he is not! He's home! He just goes to work and then he comes home and he doesn't have to study. It's wonderful, pure bliss, just perfect.

So, I've been enjoying small things with him. Like curling up each night in bed and watching tv together. Or dinner time, especially when he makes it. We've played a few games and worked a little harder at doing things with the kiddos. Cory has helped me alot around the house, moving furniture and cleaning. The thing is, I just like spending time with him. I like being around him, even if we don't say anything at all to each other.

The last the couple of nights I've been a bit moody. Last night Cory did some thing that irritated me. Then he did another thing that just made me even more irritable. In my head, I was thinking the following, "No, no I don't want the honeymoon to be over. I want to continue enjoying him to the fullest."

It's just, I really love this man. I do. I want to enjoy him, without hardships and exhaustion and emotions, and well ... real life, for just a little bit longer. He's cute. He's funny. He's strong and he loves me no matter what. He enjoys being a daddy to our boys. He's protects me. He's my husband and I adore him.

Never a Dull Moment

2009-08-09T16:53:00.002-05:00

This week I celebrate 17 weeks of this little life inside of me. Tuesday I have my monthly doctors’ appointment and I’ll relish the moment that I hear the fast paced beat of its heart.

I want to put a funny sign over the door to my house ~ Never a Dull Moment. Because for the last three years of my life, I can honestly say that has been what has eeked out of my lips weekly. My life feels anything but ordinarily secure or comfortable.

When I had read the two little lines on the pregnancy stick that deemed us with a new and exciting blessing in our life, I just wasn’t prepared for another rollercoaster of an adventure. Don’t ask me why, because you’d think I would have gotten the hang of it by now. Nothing ever seems dull or boring in our lives.

Morning sickness? Yep, just all day long. Exhaustion? I can’t even begin to explain it. Odd little quirks and sicknesses popping up? Sure, why not? And then the clincher, being told that my body was in the process of rejecting the baby. I was miscarrying.

Of course, if we stick with the theme of my current season of life – Never a Dull Moment. Then you’ll breathe a sigh of relief when you read that within a few days and with the help of modern technology we found that the baby was indeed alive, measuring right on schedule. Praise God.

Days then turned into weeks as I have gone up and down, down and up, with good news, then bad news, then more bad news, then okay news. But the baby was still alive and even though I felt like a human pincushion and wasn’t sure what to prepare myself with, we kept fighting for this sweet little life.

Just this past week, I slowly began to let my guard down. I cried when I needed to and then I cautiously begin to feel excited again. A baby, a sweet child that I have wanted for years may be coming my way. An infant to snuggle with, to nurse, to love and to raise into a godly man or woman. It is my hearts desire laid out on a platter… in front of God waiting to know what His decision is.

Yesterday we moved a dresser into the baby’s room and the glider. Holding back tears, I shared with Cory my little dream of how I wanted to decorate the room in preparation for this child. If it’s a girl or if it’s a boy, I have the room designed in my head and the first and middle names already picked out. I’m already thinking of where I want to place the crib and the cradle that Cory’s grandfather built for us.

It was then that I began to dare to dream again. It was then that I began to have some hope that was not clouded by what ifs. And just a bit of joy began to seep into my heart thinking, things just might work out after all.

After all … it’s really Never a Dull Moment these days!

Home Sick

2009-07-13T19:16:00.006-05:00

Did y'all know that I am pregnant? I think most of you do. Yep, Wednesday marks 13 weeks for me. Finally I have made it to the second trimester, a feat in which needs to be marked as victorious for me, as it has been the hardest first trimester of a pregnancy yet.

I've been incognito for so long. I haven't blogged, emailed or called friends, and have been behind on most family things. No, I am not depressed, praise God! I just can't explain it... on a blog, on the phone, in an email, or even completely in person.

My lovely hormones.... they are not helping my life one bit these days. Irritability? Yep. Exhaustion? You know it. Hot flashes? Yeppers. Crying... well, does a ball in your throat and stinging eyes but no literal tears, count? If so, then all. the. time.

So, I was just reading Pioneer Woman's post today (cuz, yes I still read blogs, just don't comment or write one of my own much), Joy Comes in the Morning, and finally the hot tears began to flow down my face.

Man do I miss my girlfriends from PA these days. I wouldn't even know what to say if we talked and had coffee (decaf for me right now). Or maybe I would, but then truthfully I wouldn't feel like anyone would understand. And what's worse, is I have complete ability to listen, just absolutely no ability to give right now. Nothing, nada, zip...

I am homesick. I can't believe I'm saying it, but its true. I just want stability, securities of a normal life, my old doctors, hikes at Little Buffalo state park, best friends right around the corner, my old church and the comforts of my Pastor's messages, and my friends, with deep conversations, tea, challenges, laughter, and sisterhood love. And frankly, it sucks. Because even if I went home, everything has changed and nothing would be the same. Which it should change and grow, I mean that.

And this is exactly the reason why I don't blog anymore. Especially now that I am pregnant, tired, and sick (yea, again but now with respiratory stuff - I've never been on this many drugs, non preggo, let alone pregnant!) and over emotional. Okay... done.

PS - I'm so not allowing this to be on my facebook!

Praying for Forgiveness

2009-05-27T19:49:00.003-05:00

This little ham of mine, boy do I love him. He's sweet, serious, demanding, talkative (all. the. time) and such a joy.

Recently he and a buddy of his were having some problems. EJ, admittedly took responsibility for his end of the issue. His little mind truly sings for justice, equality, and true love for everyone. So, when I spoke with him about the conflict, his heart hurt with heaviness for both the injustice that was done to him and for how he acted too. I led him to pray, asking Jesus for forgiveness on his part and toward the little boy who had hurt him.

The beginning of the prayer began in a rote sort of way. Towards the middle real conviction hit him. And in his sweet little six year old voice, I heard him talk to the Lord as if Jesus were sitting in the car with him at that moment. He talked with Him, telling him that he was hurt and that he was struggling with one area, and would God please help him not to do it anymore.

My heart did that funny little twist when it is pained with both pride for my son and sadness for the hurt that he had experienced. I just loved that moment of real breakthrough in prayer, where he stepped beyond the veil and sat on the lap of his Heavenly Father.

Sometimes I wonder, will he ever understand just how much I adore him.

Circumstantional Worship

2009-05-13T11:09:00.004-05:00

Little blog, I miss you. I really do. It seems as though my creative side of the brain has taken to a new passion for a while. Painting, gardening, even reading books. But writing? I've had the block going on for some time now.

I have plenty to chew on, over analyze, think about and decide on. It seems as though this brain of mine just won't quit. It's okay though, maybe someday all this thinking will amount to something inspirational.

This morning the kids and I went outside to do our homeschooling. We threw a blanket out on the lawn, curled up together and read a load of books first. Little Z is pretty much done with his preschool curriculum. And EJ is doing double time to finish before the month is out. Bless his heart, he offered to do some school work on Saturdays so that he could be done before June! Smart boy.

I put some worship music on, assigned EJ his work, dragged out this thing I am painting, and encouraged the Z man to explore for a bit. It is a cooler day outside and I have plenty to work on out there.

As my mind was contemplating some possible good news, a warm worship song came on and I found myself standing in my backyard, hands raised praising the God that created me. I felt, momentarily, alive and in tune. And then....

And then my mind stepped it up and I began struggling with how I view, worship, and spend time God depending on my circumstances that day. What a pity it is... this state of mine. It is a clarity of my immaturity... it is.

I look forward to the day that I will worship Him with all I have, no matter what my circumstances are. I beg the Lord that I will choose to view all of life as a joy, even when darkness comes. And I pray that someday sooner then later, I will find a quietness in my brain that accepts that sometimes I just won't have the answers to all my questions on this side of heaven.

Growing Up

2009-03-04T19:35:00.004-05:00

He calls me "mom" now. No longer mommy or mama, but mom. It's a big change. A good one, of course. I want him to grow up, to go from being a little boy to the boy he's supposed to be. But sometimes, when he calls me mom, my heart hurts. I loved being mama, to him.

Lately I've found that he craves any and all time he can get with his father. This too is good. A boy should adore his father and look to him for guidance and support. But, I'm his mama. You know the one that hugs him a little bit longer then he probably wants me too.

He stopped holding my hand so much now too. I suppose it's independence climbing out of him. Again, that's good. I want him to be strong, independent, and smart. I do. I even push him sometimes to be that way.

And yet, he's still 6. Acting like a clown, saying goofy things, and bounding with lots of energy. Funny, sometimes I wonder if he's immature for his age, right on, or perhaps ahead of himself. Who knows. And who cares, right?

It's just sometimes, I wish I could make him call me mama again. Just for a bit...

New Year, Same Me

2009-01-12T09:58:00.003-05:00

I love growing and changing! I really welcome the thought of shedding bad habits or hidden ugliness inside. To me, growing is one of the best things in life. If we hit adulthood and found out that we knew it all, then what would be the point to life?

God. Obviously...

But the thing about God is, He is never ending. Learning about Him, reading His word, praying, spending time with Him, worshipping Him, and so much more never gets stale because there is always so much more. How exciting is that?

I was thinking about this new year of ours and I decided that I wasn't going to place any big goals or resolutions on myself. Over the last few years I've been discovering just how much my God loves me. How much He really enjoys me and what He thinks about me. And when He challenges me to change or grow, I may fight it in the beginning, but I always end up doing as He says.

Since I've begun to realize just how much He adores me, I've found a deeper joy in myself too. I like who God has created me to be. Even if it is weird or different or loud or too analytical or whatever.

This year rolled in quietly without big fireworks, for me. I realized that it was a bit of sign, that perhaps I needed to just continue to quietly build upon the things that He is already doing in me, then to add something new. For me, this year, the day on the calendar doesn't represent turning a new leaf but instead deepening the roots that have already been planted inside of me.

So, its a new year! But its the same me! And I'm happy with that.

Answered Questions

2008-12-04T13:05:00.003-05:00

Promises Fulfilled tagged me for this meme. Thanks Promises! Although as I answered everything, I realized that I might be a tad bit of downer. No fear...I believe I'm overtired, over worked, and am in need of being by myself for more then a day or two....Anyways... here are the answers!

Where is your cell phone? right next to me and I LOVE it. A Samsung Blackjack that I scored for FREE!
Where is your significant other? working
Your hair color? blonde ... all nat..ur..all!
Your mother? dirty blonde
Your father? dirty blonde with gray
Your favorite thing? right now - deep conversations over a yummy cup of Starbucks hot chocolate
Your dream last night? had something to do with a friend, Camilla, who in real life is leaving to move back home to Washington state on Friday. Don't remember much, other then we were watching a movie and hanging out and I was sad that she was leaving.
Your dream/goal? to live in another country (anywhere) and be part of group of people who authentically, genuinely, live a loving life of giving, caring, and sharing Christ
The room you’re in? dining room
Your hobby? these days its learning how to be frugal and score things for free or close to it. But I also like to write and craft ALOT!
Your fear? Losing my family. And my children having to grow up without a mother.
Where were you last night? church - Wednesday service on Communication in the Family! Finally!
What you’re not? skinny!
One of your wish-list items? to get out of debt again and be financially secure enough to give generously
Where you grew up? Newport, PA
The last thing you did? made lunch for the kids and myself
What are you wearing? I'm going out by myself tonight. So I have cool pair of jeans, with a white 3/4 sleeve shirt on, with an orange/reddish sleeveless shirt on top of that and a brown buttoned down sweater over that. It's all about layers people!
Your TV? is mostly loved for the Wii that is now with it
Your pet? one black cat, named Diesel, who has added alot of flavor to our home
Your computer? two - dell, one desktop, one laptop. Both of which my personal computer techie takes very good care of. It helps to be married to a former computer geek!
Your mood? somewhat grouchy...just being honest
Missing someone? oh yea, my mom, my brother and his fam, Steph S, Steph J, EmBow and the fam, Leah, even CJ's parents
Your car? a dirty minivan
Something you’re not wearing? earrings YET
Favorite store? any store that gives me quality things for either FREE or very cheap
Your summer? I have no problems with ditching summer. Can't stand to be hot and despise humidity....
Love someone? my husband, a..lot. And my boys... too much to even put down on paper
Your favorite color? brown - right now
When is the last time you laughed? not sure - clearly this might be leading up to my grouchiness...
Last time you cried? I'm not sure when was the last time, but seriously I need to have a good cry and get the irritability out so that I can get on with life and be my normal happy self again!

Thankful on this Day

2008-11-27T17:38:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting in the dark of my computer room. Everyone is upstairs playing games and digesting the big dinner. It was a wonderful day, full of family, friends and joy. I am thankful for so much...

~ learning what it really means to enjoy this journey called life, despite trials and life circumstances

~ my two little boys who bring me the most joy I have ever had

~ learning how to forgive others who have brought me much pain

~my incredible husband, who works and studies tirelessly

~ each of the girls whom have lived with us and each of the wonderful flavors they have brought to our home

~ Corianne's Dutch apple pie

~ looking outside of the box and learning how to give to others

~ friends who send me my favorite tea or drive 8 hours to visit me or write me dear notes

~ my warm home and all the opportunities it gives me to love and care for others

~ the gift of watching my children learn and grow

~ all the snuggles and kisses I get from each of my boys

~ a cup of tea, quiet music, my bible, and my journal

~ listening to the daily prayers of my children

~knowing the difference that I am making now and the generations to come

For all of this I am thankful.

My Main Man

2008-11-21T13:37:00.002-05:00

Married for over 10 years now and I still find this man handsome and wonderful! CJ finished another trimester of classes today, which included his internship. Only 2 more trimesters to go and this man will walk the aisle to recieve his bachelors in Practical Ministry. Way to go, babe!

Jammer Time

2008-11-20T19:16:00.005-05:00

CJ and I love to try to take lots of pictures of all the fun times in our house. Especially since we've had such an awesome opportunity in hosting college girls. So one night, we decided to take pictures of everyone wearing funky pajamas, or something along those lines.

Clearly, some of us, got the look down...

While others of us, just didn't quite know how to capture the camera correctly. (You'll notice that there isn't a picture of me in here...I, ahem, happened to be one of those people....)

Then of course, there is always the one that can pull off a good picture even in his pajamas!!! Go ahead... say it, he's cute. I know...

And here is the group of us...in our pajamas.... all smiling at once! WOW! Now aren't we just a cute little family!

Giving Thanks

2008-11-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

We have a wonderful friend who can score us free bread from a european bread shop in the Charlotte area. Recently, she brought a whole bag of yummy fresh bread in and dropped it off at my husbands office.

This year, God has been working on me in the area of making the best out of what we are given. Got fresh bread that will go stale within a day or two?? Learn how to freeze it. Make yummy french toast bake out of it.
Or if you are nearing the Thanksgiving holiday, chop it up and make stuffing out of it.

The other day we put on some fun music and the little Z man and I got to work in the kitchen, while EJ was finishing up some school work. I chopped the bread, while he stuffed the bags full.

Great music, two sweet boys, cold weather, warm drinks, fragrant candles lit, and a mission to take care of what God has given us ... bread or boys?!! These are the things that I am thankful for.

This Little Boy Of Mine

2008-11-17T21:52:00.004-05:00

Z-man flew through the 2's and 3's with flying colors. Infact, he was so laid back during his 2's that I was dumbfounded. I mean, c'mon, his older brother had me turned into a pretzel by 13 months until he was about 4 year old. (I'm thoroughly convinced that EJ may one day rule a small country of his own!). When the three's hit, I thought I might see a change or two. But he sailed through them, helping me to fall into this misunderstanding that somehow my sweet little Z-man might be the first perfect child out there.

Okay, really I didn't think he was perfect. BUT ... he was, well, just really cute and so easy.

Apparently, I was in need of a bit of wake up call. Because sweet Z-man is giving me a run for my money these days! Go ahead laugh at me. In truth, I'm chuckling at myself.

See him in the corner up there... let's see I think I stuck him there after the 50th time I had told him to stop jumping off my bed. That sounds harmless right... but I had the spent the entire day, fighting with him over breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, and drinks, what he was going to wear, what he wanted to read, that fact that he wants a new transformer all. the. time. and that he doesn't like doing chores and the list can go on and on and on.

So, I stuck him in the corner and told him to put his nose there. I turned in frustration back to the laundry I was trying to sort .... on. my. bed.

Two minutes later, I turned to see how Mr. Monkey Jumping on My Bed with Laundry All Over It was making it in the corner there, only to find him working very hard at putting his nose directly smack in the corner! I had to control myself from laughing out loud.

Instead, I told him to stay put and ran and grabbed the camera. Because it will be imperative to show him and his wife someday, that I most certainly DID discipline him!

Still ... even in the midst of temper tantrums, tears, and frustrations... he's my Z-man. And I adore him!!!

2008-11-15T20:00:00.000-05:00

I miss my mom....

Weekend Plans

2008-11-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

I'm so excited about this coming weekend! My mom has been with us for the last 7 weeks. She came down and settled in to be the "Granny Nanny," while I focused on my class. Honestly, I think the reason why I did so well in my class was because of all the help I received. My kids were completely taken care of when I was away in the afternoons. She truly was a huge blessing for me.

Unfortunately, she ended up getting the yucky cold virus that one of the girls brought home with her. Z man was subject to it as well. But, my mom, well she tends to get pretty stinkin sick. And so... she had to extend her stay.

The silver lining to it all??? My brother and his family will be coming to visit us on Friday!!! This is first time that they have been down here yet. And I am really super excited to see all of them. On top of it all, my mom will be here.

What a treat, my mom and my brother and his family all under my roof for a long weekend! I plan to take lots and lots of pictures, especially since we finally just got all the bright beautiful fall colors.

Returning to Routines

2008-11-04T14:22:00.005-05:00

Getting back to normal, whatever that may be in our house, is my primary goal these days. The main part of TESOL, is over. I still have a paper to write and a practicum to deliver next week. But the everyday class and crunch is officially done.

I'm thrilled to be back in the saddle as mama of this home. I'm working on cleaning up and reorganizing the messes that I and other created over the last couple of months. And since we had suspended the last two weeks of homeschooling, due to the volume of papers I had to write, I'm playing catch up with lessons. Still...I am happy and thankful for both taking the class and finishing it!

The thing that I really enjoy about homeschooling is that I get to spend serious time with both my kids. EJ astounds me at the level of conversations that we can have together. Z man is still working on focusing and completing work, but I love the smell of crayons and reading books with him. So teaching is really more time to soak them in and enjoy who they are.

Our mornings generally start out with lots of chores and breakfast. Right afterwards, we congregate into the living room with our bibles. Each of us takes a seat on couches and chairs. Quiet worship music is put on. And then all three of us individually take some time to read or look at our bibles.

One of my favorite moments of the day is when I can pray with them individually. Many times its my moment to declare who they are in Christ over them, to plead for help in character needs, to confess where I may have slipped as mama over them, and to thank the Lord repeatedly for the joy that they are in my life.

Yea, its good to be getting back into the groove again!

Knock Knock ... Is this Thing On???

2008-10-29T16:04:00.002-05:00

two more days left of TESOL
2 more papers to write
homeschooling
one TESOL class to instruct
a sick child with fevers running upwards of 104
9 people (yes, we've increased again. But just for a couple of nights)
homeschooling
bills
guests coming in next week
my mom's birthday on Monday
house cleaning
food shopping
coupons to cut, organize and search for
homeschooling
laundry
catching up with family members
thank you letters
time with God
spending time with my husband
time with my boys
getting back in the pool at the Y
homschooling
and so much more....

These are the things that are on my mind these days. I'm looking forward to the last day of class on Friday and spending the last couple of days with my mom before she leaves. Then, I want to re claim my little life back, by enjoying time with my boys, homeschooling them, cleaning my house, chatting with the girls, sitting in my chair and reading my bible and praying and lots more.

See you next week - when I'm a little less bogged down!

BTW - found Facebook!

A Lovely Fall Day

2008-10-18T20:12:00.008-05:00

Yesterday it rained and well, I've already told you that I love rainy days. With the rain, brought some colder weather. And that just made me even happier. It seems as though Fall just might be really taking off around here now. Hallelujah!

We attended this sweet little fall festival about an hour or so away today. It was in the middle of an apple orchard. So, we watched apple butter simmer, listened to Johnny Appleseed, tried fresh apple cider, and took a quick little hayride!

For me, I really enjoyed being outside in the fresh fall air. The leaves are just slightly turning colors now. Socks and shoes are a must. The kids are wearing jeans and t shirts. And I'm sipping hot drinks like tea, coffee, and hot chocolate. Yum!

Have I told you just how much I adore my children? Really, I do. EJ is so delightful for me to watch. Compassion is growing deeply in his heart. I love to see his mind working, while he's watching something go on. Today, he was interested in watching the blacksmith show.

And Z-man? His gentle heart is in quite a stage these days. Growing up is hard to do. Especially when you're a bit on the tender side. Today, he was cold, so he snuggled in his daddy's coat and sighed a sweet sigh, showing that he still loves to be cuddled. Oh, that war inside of him between being cuddled and being independent is rising up. Poor little guy....But don't worry, I'm still getting as much snuggling in as I can. After all, it won't be long before he's completely done with the cuddles.

I'm thankful today. I was able to spend a great day with my family, outside, in the cool fall. On top of it all, I came home and knocked out my third TESOL paper (13 pages long)! 3 down, 3 to go! I am satisfied.

Shhh...

2008-10-15T13:31:00.003-05:00

Don't tell anyone, but I skipped my class today. I had too. I really did. I'm tired and behind on everything that seems to matter to me, most importantly time with my children and some quiet moments.

So we took a picnic to the park this afternoon, placed a blanket on the ground, ate some pb&j's and inhaled the sweet smell of the beginnings of fall. We took a short walk in the woods, crunching some of the leaves under our feet. And then while the kids played, I began a the book, Little Men, by Lousia May Alcott (an all time favorite author of mine!).

The kids are taking a bit of quiet time right now and I am hoping to putz around the house as well as do some much needed cooking and baking. After dinner tonight and before the sun sets, I want to go explore an old cemetery, another enjoyable past time of mine. Lastly, I will refuse to break out my books or lesson plans this evening and instead choose to either continue on with my book or watch another episode of Dr. Quinn (still addicted!).

Sometimes its good to take breaks!

Enjoy your Wednesday!

Simplicity

2008-10-14T10:15:00.006-05:00

This morning CJ commented that sometimes I look like the crazy mom in a comic strip on a Sunday morning. I'm standing still in the kitchen and life, I mean, LIFE is swirling around me and I'm trying to keep up with it all.

I chuckled at him because that is how I feel in this funny house of mine. Kids are chasing the cat, husband is searching for something to bring for lunch, granny is trying to down a cup of coffee so that she can wake up a bit faster, the three girls are chatting about boy news and so on. And I, well I'm trying to keep up on everyone while juggling my own thoughts.

I love my TESOL class. I really do. It's furthering my desire to really impart life, truth, joy, and plain ol normal life skills in anyone I can get my hands on. I spend hours pouring over my lesson plans, working details far beyond just how to pronounce a certain word, or grammatical tenses. Can I aid them in a life skill, even in an English class? Can I weave an ability to grow into this lesson too?

Home, class, people, kids, husband, my God... sometimes it all seems a bit overwhelming. Good, but overwhelming. My heart yearns for some peace, quiet, solitude.

It's interesting how I'm really beginning to adore the little things in life. Each passing day, week, month or season of my life, is drawing more and more out of me. Once I found joy in much of the man made things in life.

Now, in a very busy, very chaotic season of my life, I am finding my heart yearning and enjoying those things that God has created. My children.... snuggling with them.... inhaling their scents at this particular age. A quiet pond, with hungry ducks and stale bread. The hope of making a crisp with newly picked apples. Simple piano music in the background, while I ponder over my lessons. Sweet quiet time with my Abba... wondering just what is on His heart for the day. Those are the simple joys of my life at this moment.

Hey There

2008-10-07T10:33:00.002-05:00

Boy do I have about 10 posts to write on, pictures that I want to download and share, and great little stories. Plus, I'm feeling back to normal, cheerful and thankful for where I'm at right now.

BUT... I can't sit down and write it all out right now. At least not yet. It may not be bothering you... however it is killing me. I'm pent up with verbal goodness that just needs to be out on some sort of "paper."

In the meantime, I'm working on 6 lesson plans that are all due at some point in time during the next three weeks. Each lesson requires total detail, down to what I'd write on a chalkboard, so that my TESOL teacher understands my thought process.

Don't roll your eyes at me on this one... prepare yourself. I'm LOVING it! I really, really am. Make me lesson plan, make me teach someone, let me encourage and aid someone in learning anything... I get giddy with excitement!

So, hang in there a bit. Hopefully in some spare time (lol) I'll be able to share all my little joys of life right now!

Talk soon!

Clearly, I Missed the Little Clues

2008-10-01T20:23:00.004-05:00

So, um, maybe all my crying and heart wrenching wasn't just a bad day after all.... Funny little story for you.

Last week, I ran out of a particular medication that I was on. I had already called the place where I get it from, and they too were out. So, knowing that in the next week or so, the situation would resolve itself, I went without the medication.

Friday night, I had this huge allergy attack. Seasonal allergies can make me feel miserable sometimes, so when I woke up the next morning feeling dizzy, I quickly assumed that it had something to do with the congestion in my head from the previous evening.

As the day progressed, I began feeling a bit woozy at times and awfully tired. Sunday I laid down for "a minute" and an hour and half later I woke up with a start. Still, I wasn't quite putting two and two together. I just assumed I was over tired from much of my life (which I was ... I really was).

And then Monday came along. I'm crying over random things and all the issues of my heart are becoming bigger and bigger. Still dizzy. Still light headed. Still exhausted. And realizing that I was having very vivid and colorful dreams....but still clueless.

Until Tuesday came and as I was sitting in class, I couldn't get a deep breath in. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I calmly walked out of the class and went to my husbands office (btw - loving the fact that my class is on the same property as where CJ works!! Quick lunches and kisses and talks with little interruptions in the middle of the day... luxurious!).

Finally, after 5 days of craziness, I realized that I might be having a reaction to the lack of medication my body was used to. I called the doctors office, who saw me immediately. They confirmed that my body was in a bit of a withdrawal (its a medication that you need to step down in order to go off of ). It seems as though every one of my symptoms had to do with that darn little pill I wasn't taking.

Blessedly, they gave me samples and sent me home to rest.

Guess what??? I'm feeling remarkably better today. Not nearly as emotional, dizziness is gone, crying has died down again, and heart issues look a little bit more realistic. I have joy again too, despite the circumstances in my heart.

Whew....that was an interesting ride!

Follow Me

2008-09-30T07:30:00.000-05:00

Over at Created and Called this morning, as I bare my heart.... in You Created Me.

Emptying the Tear Ducts

2008-09-29T19:27:00.001-05:00

Today was a rough day for me. Physically I've been dealing with dizziness and exhaustion. Mentally, I've been thinking wayyyy to much about wayyy too many things. Emotionally, well I've been checked out.....until today.

Ladies (and those few gents who read this blog) I cried 5 times today. 5 times!!!

I'm not joking. A few times this morning over exhaustion, literal dreams (in which I cried in them too), a long lasting fight this weekend with the hubby, and so on. Then I took a few turns emptying out the tear ducts during class today. Did you read that correctly, I said during class. As if that wasn't enough, I finished class walked directly to my husbands office, shut the door and burst into tears again!

Now before you begin with the twenty questions, like am I pregnant? Did someone die? Was the fight with the husband that bad? Have I overworked myself? And so, on...let me explain something to you. In general I can't cry. I'm serious.... drops of tears will not fall down this face when the inside of me desperately wants to unload. It's one of those things that I don't know how to change, besides prayer.

Let's visit this weekend for instance.... I was thoroughly, completely, totally exhausted. Then I watched Little Women on Friday evening. Saturday it rained all day long (yahoo), soccer was cancelled and after a morning of fun I began working on mindless homework and watched Sense and Sensibility. That evening began the beginnings of our disagreement. Which, unfortunately, but truthfully led into Sunday. And Sunday, I actually prayed that God would help me cry. Because after two girl movies, 1 overly long drawn out fight, and let's not forget the tiredness.... I still hadn't cried!

Obviously God heard my prayers. This morning the dam broke.

Exhaustion caught up with me. Every single thing that has been racking my brain for the last several months over took me. Dealing with cross conversations from the weekend finally rebounded. I believe I got every tear drop out possible.

The release felt good... real good.

So, no I'm not pregnant. No one died. And honestly my husband and I found revelation together. I'm seeking an early bed time tonight to help aid the exhaustion. And I'm doing the best thing possible, having some good conversations with my Abba. Because, unfortunately, the brain is back in gear and there is much to continue working on.

Stick a Fork in Me - I'm Done

2008-09-26T11:16:00.002-05:00

I am so exhausted right now. This week has flown by and I am behind. Oh well....

It's raining (which I love), I'm sneezy due to allergies, itchy, and full of sn*t. Sorry, but true. And I need a serious nap.

But, I'm off to class a little early, so that I can prepare for my third quiz for the week.

Am I enjoying this journey today? Yes, but let's be a bit real here. I'm tired. I'm done. And really, I want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie and have everyone else take care of the kids, laundry, dishes, dinner, studying and anything else I'm responsible for.

Thank God it is Friday...

Jonah, the Turtle

2008-09-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

In case you were wondering, we really did have a live turtle in the upstairs bath tub. Jonah, went back to the "wild" last week.

It turned out that, the newest girl who moved in with us, became quite attached to the four legged reptile(?) or amphibian(?). She fed it, took it out for walks, let it roam her room, and more.

Since I wasn't a huge fan of touching it, her casualness about the turtle, helped the children to really enjoy it even more. The kids (and I) learned that turtle could eat bananas, apples, green lettuce, and more. The biggest draw back (besides the fact that he was living in our tub) was that he needed 12 ours of UV light, something we could not give him.

So, after 2 weeks of exploring and enjoying, Jonah the turtle, EJ and his newest "sister" brought him back outside and let him go in our backyard! Overall, it was a fun experience!

Count Along With Me

2008-09-24T07:05:00.006-05:00

Last night in between trying to figure out dinner, getting kids off to soccer, and returning home from my TESOL class, I got a phone call.

"Hi, B..., my house doesn't have water right now. Is there anyway I can stay at your house for the next couple of days?"

Of course, I said. And within an hours time, we had a certain housemates room cleaned up, a mattress with warm sheets and blankets, and bedside light set up.

For the record... right now we have 9 people in our house. We seem to be mulitplying people like bread and fish, around here. That's 9 glasses of milk, 9 spoons for breakfast, 9 bowls of cereal or oatmeal or whatever you eat in the morning, 9 plates around the table this evening for dinner, 9 showers, and so on.

I turned to my mom, while I was trying to prepare for my first quiz, and stated, "my house feels a bit like a zoo." She giggled and said, "it is."

It's a good one, though. Each person who is currently here, brings joy to my heart in their own special ways. Even our current guest, as I have been just getting to really know her lately and she is precious. While at times I may feel a bit overwhelmed, my heart is overflowing with love for each one in our home.

Now, if we could just find away to muliply food, water, gasoline, cars... and so on.

Little Things Make Me Happy

2008-09-23T08:00:00.001-05:00

My husband built me a compost bin! I'm thrilled!

Hopefully next summer we will have even better soil to plant in.

Don't tell him this - but my next endeavor is to find a rain barrel. I'm pining after one to help water next summers vegetable gardens!!!

TESOL

2008-09-21T20:38:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is a big day for me. I'm taking a whirlwind of a class for the next six weeks. The goal: to become certified in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages or better known as TESOL!

God is amazing, as CJ and I have known for two years now, that when the opportunity came up, I would be the one who would get the certification. TESOL is only offered every two years at our bible school. And so, the opportunity presented itself and God out did Himself in making it clear that I was to take the class.

My class and books are fully paid for. My mom is here for 7 weeks to take care of the children and help out with any needs. And I have 13 weeks worth of lesson plans prepared for homeschooling!

Yea - I'm ready. And God has prepared the way.

I'm excited and nervous to sprint through these next 6 weeks. My biggest fear is that somehow in the hustle and bustle of homeschooling, home, and now classes, that I will neglect the two little ones who need me the most, my boys.

Yet, I can't deny that He has had this set in motion for quite sometime now. So, I can only pray and trust Him!

If it's a little quiet around here, know that I'm not ignoring you, just juggling books, people, and life!

Focus

2008-09-18T15:00:00.000-05:00

Starting a new series about Enjoying the Journey of life, over here at Created and Called. Go check it out!

Rainy Days

2008-09-16T15:10:00.003-05:00

It's the heat down here. I'm telling you, I'm not a fan of heat. I abhor it. I loathe sweating. There is nothing about being hot that is fun for me. I always joke around that I got saved so that I wouldn't have to worry about being hot in h*ll.

So when rainy days, like today, come along the way, I find myself rejoicing! Infact, I ripped open the windows, threw open the doors, and turned off the central air, just so that I could breathe in cool, crisp, rainy weather!

Oooohhhh.... then I made myself some mocha coffee, turned on some classical music, and began the routine of chores, homeschooling, and everyday life. In some ways, I could have danced through the day, the rain made me that happy.

Right now, I have chicken boiling, with herbs, onions, celery, and carrots. It is the beginnings of a yummy chicken noodle soup, with crusty warm wheat bread for dinner tonight. Fresh strawberries with perhaps some vanilla bean ice cream will wrap it all up.

Since the rain created mountains of mud, soccer practice has been cancelled for this evening. Which means we are all home, to enjoy soup, and a quiet evening.

The goal tonight: break out my paints, a fresh new canvas, and focus on the following scripture:

"Be still and know that I am God."

How appropriate for a day like today..... I love it when it rains.

Daily Routines

2008-09-10T09:21:00.004-05:00

Do you have patterns or routines that you follow?

I find that I vary on mine. Consistency tends to be my biggest problem in life. I can keep up with a routine or pattern for about 6 -7 weeks, sometimes much longer. But inevitably something bumps me off of it and then I spend a month or so working on trying to get myself back into it.

School started back up in our home. With it, brought on the routines again. Mornings include chores, breakfast, piano practice, reading, bible time, and school work. Afternoons are a bit freer for the kids. However for me, my afternoons may include lesson planning, running errands, reading blogs, and more.

I have funny little mental routines too. Like I can't drink a cup of coffee in the morning until I drink about 32 oz of water first. Or I tend to take my multivitamin (which is as big as a horses pill and has made me gag several times already) first before I pop any of the other pills in my mouth. And when I read my bible and journal, I like to write down what I read and the specific verse that I am focusing on before I write anything else.

When I get back into a routine or a pattern of life, I feel good, productive, on top of it all. I feel accomplished and as though I am managing things somewhat well. Still, truth be told, I spend alot of mental time writing a list of all the things I haven't accomplished. It rather feels never ending to me.

So, what about you? Do you excel with a routine? Or are you more fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl? Do you struggle with sticking to a daily pattern for more then 2 months or so, like me? Or do you find that life is regular and you know what to expect in your days?

Share with me.

The Middle of the Night is Interesting Here Too

2008-09-09T07:54:00.003-05:00

This morning I woke up ........ on the floor. I'm not quite sure what the details included as to how I made it down there. We did have a huge thunderstorm that included losing all electricity for some hours. Of course the loss of light, brought a certain little 4 year old into our room for a secured nights sleep.

And so sometime in the middle of the night, I think I got a bit cramped with CJ's normal flamingo stance of sleep patterns and crawled down to the floor to sleep next to the warm thumb sucking, Z man. I think that is what happened.

The funny thing was, CJ, who woke up after a crash from Diesel's, the cat, mid night romping, to find his bride not in bed with him.

CJ: Bec - where are you?

Me: here.

CJ: Are you .... on .... the ... floor?

Me: (mumbled but sort of surprised too.....) yea, yea I am.

CJ: Why?

Me: I don't know. I just am.

CJ: Well... get back into bed.

Me: No, not yet. (snore)

I'm feeling a bit more sore this morning. I'm definitely dragging. I'm hoping for a cup of coffee and some Aleve. Oh, no ... I'm beginning to sound like my father.

Perservere

2008-09-05T12:53:00.005-05:00

(painting done by EJ)

I'm supposed to be lesson planning right now. I have about 8 weeks worth that I need to get done asap. But, really my hands just want to type and my head wants to write. I don't know if you actually log onto my blog or if you read it in bloglines, like I do for everyone else. But, when its time for me to write a post, I generally have my site up just to listen to the sweet piano music that I have on my playlist. I could listen to it over and over again for hours. I enjoy it that much.

This has been a good week for me. I feel lighter then I have in a long time. And I feel like I am actually enjoying God again, which is a relief.

Last night we had Lindell Cooley at our church. He was the worship leader at the Brownsville Revival, over 10 years ago. Now, he pastors Grace Church in Nashville while still doing worship. Last night, he brought such a sweet sense of the spirit of the Lord with him. And when it was time for him to preach, he spoke from his heart sharing that in a time where so many are looking for the miracles, signs and wonders, we need to be delving deeper into the word of God.

He talked about perseverance in the Lord. In a microwave society that we are in, we want to skip the work and diligence of reading the word and go straight to the power. And yet, if we miss out on the word, we won't withstand the wait from God.

It's good for me. I struggle with reading my bible regularly. And yet, if there is anything God has been teaching me about in this season of our lives its perseverance.

We had a bit of a breakthrough recently in our lives. And last night as I was worshipping I was thrilled with our Lord. I was ever so grateful for Him. Quietly in my mind, I was working hard to log what it feels like to have this breakthrough. So that when times get tough again, I will have the strength to persevere and the trust to wait until His perfect timing comes.

PS - Rita Springer attends our church. Last night CJ formerly introduced the two of us. You know what she said, "Now aren't you just pretty!" To me!!! Yea, I'm not sure if she says that to everyone or not. But, I'm going to pretend she doesn't and I'm going to savor the compliment!

I Guess I'm Not Doolittle After All

2008-09-04T13:17:00.003-05:00

Diesel (the cat) ate one of the butterflies for lunch yesterday. But shh...don't tell the kids. They haven't fully noticed it yet. It turns out one of the girls (living with us) found the said butterfly dec*pitated. Pour little guy!

We got 8 more cocoons in the mail today. My MIL is the one who is sending them to me. She planted milkweed to attract caterpillars. Then she captures the cocoons to give out to fascinated family members.

I'm passing on some of my bounty to a couple other homeschooling families around here.

So, far we are still hanging onto the turtle. But CJ left me a very concerned note this morning, worried that he was dead too. Jonah must have been sleeping... because I found him quite active this morning when Diesel was continuing his efforts in friendship.

Maybe when we are done exploring the turtle, we should pass him on to another family too.

Hmm... which gets me to thinking.... can I pass my cat on for a bit? Or how about the kids? Just for an afternoon or two or four....

Doolittle, Noah, or Pipi Longstockings ... You Decide!

2008-09-02T11:34:00.002-05:00

I am thinking of renaming my blog to "It's NEVER a Dull Moment in this House!" Okay, I'm not seriously going to rename it that, but if you would go through my archives or if you happen to receive our bi monthly newsletters, you would find that I tend to say that phrase alot. Because, well... its just true.

The fact is, having an interesting home is part of my make up. If I didn't get to enjoy people, personalities, kids, color, animals, food, and more my life would be sad. And frankly, I think I'd be depressed.

I'll have pictures soon, to prove the following. I just need to wrestle the camera away from my husband right now. He's in the middle of an intensive internship and his end project will include a picture display (or something along those lines).

So - what's the title have to do with this post?

Well - let's see. Right now, I am feeding the following in our home

7 people
1 cat
2 butterflies
random hummingbirds
and....

a turtle.

Oh the fun! We found a box turtle in the parking lot of our church. And because everything is a teachable moment in my mind, I persuaded my dear husband to bring it home with us. Currently, Jonah (named by the kids of course) the turtle lives in our upstairs bath tub. He is fed a healthy diet of green leaf lettuce, dandelion stems, grass and water.

He is quite comforted by the crazy sounds of our house, which include many loud romps to the bathroom by the kids and their friends. Diesel, the cat, has chosen to make friends with him, a decision that was not talked over in detail with Jonah. But, I think that the butterflies are relieved that Diesel chose the turtle over them! The hummingbirds are excited beyond words, as they were a bit tired of having the cat jump at the window when they were trying to drink. The nerve of that cat....

Who knows what will be next in our house. Unfortunately rodents tend to not really make it in our home, as I have a fetish with mousetraps. But large bugs, if kept whole when they die do make great lessons to teach on. Snakes are a definite no for me as well. I guess we could always trap one of the local bunnies that enjoyed the cabbage we grew in our garden this year!

Never a dull moment in our house..... never!

Z-man

2008-08-28T13:38:00.003-05:00

My little Z man turns 4 today! Gulp - lump in the throat. Yeah, he's no longer a toddler, but very much a preschooler. And boy oh boy, are my mommy hormones, need another baby, my youngest is 4 already, on high alert these days.

But anyways....

Little Z LOVES being a superhero, whether its spiderman, batman, superman, a knight, or bibleman. It is no joke, that Z dresses up daily. And between he and his older brother, there is always a concoction of "bad guys," that must be dealt with in one way or the other.

I love this little boy.

Perhaps, I need to get a little more sterner, but Z still sucks his thumb and has a dozen or so stuffed animal friends. He rotates his favor between each of them. Currently, he is back to Pup Pup, a ragged little puppy that we bought him for Christmas when he was 16 months old. I've taken to believing that Z will not enter college sucking his thumb, so who cares if at the ripe old age of 4 he still prefers that first digit... oh well.

Sweet Z, has taught me so much over the last 4 years. Patience, mercy, and joy just to name the few. Because of his laid back temper, I've learned to relax and enjoy how he learns, grows, plays, and adapts to life. Relaxing as a mother has proved beneficial for his big brother too. I imagine that when we have more siblings, they will all thank the Lord for Z and what God has taught me through Him.

And so another year is about to begin with Z. I can't wait to see him change and grow, learn new things and be the boy that God has created him to be. But for the moment, I just want to hold onto him as the little boy he is... sweet, relaxed, thumb sucking, stuffed animal loving, Z man.

So Cool

2008-08-25T16:06:00.003-05:00

CJ and I just registered for classes. Yes, you read that correctly, I registered for a class. TESOL (teaching English to speakers of other languages)!!

The best part of it all, is between staff scholarships and the low cost of our books, etc. We were able to pay both of our tuition's in FULL today.

God is amazing.

It Really Is a Sport For Me

2008-08-25T08:59:00.004-05:00

There's 10 boxes of Wheat Thins there and 6 boxes of cereal. Also not shown are 14 ears of corn. Total spent????

33.00

The wheat thins alone were 4.49 a piece. I got all ten boxes for FREE! No joke. I had free wheat thin coupons when you buy 3 kraft items. I bought three things of Kool Aid (which was legit and allowed - it said it on the back of the coupon)!!!

C'mon Thrills - you have to be proud of me for this load!!!

Giggles

2008-08-23T14:57:00.002-05:00

Overheard conversation between father and son this morning....

Z-man - Daddy, I just saw a dragonfly.

Daddy - Cool. What did it look like?

Z-man - well...it had wings. One here. One here. One here. One here. (pointing too the different areas of the body)

Seizing a great teaching opportunity .....
Daddy - So, Z-man how many wings total?

Z-man - Daddy, turtles don't have wings!

Me ..... giggle.

Quick

2008-08-18T07:28:00.002-05:00

And because I'm just crazy about coupons these days.... here are two blogs that are hosting coupon giveaways.

On Our Way... has over $349.00 worth of coupons that she is ready to send to TWO winners.

Frugal in Virginia is hosting another giveaway of fun coupons totally upwards of $160.00. And while you are over there, read her husbands thoughts on her frugalness and verbs! Too funny.

I'm serious people, coupons, reading the papers, and planning out my stops are saving me an enormous amount of money these days!

Good Morning

2008-08-15T07:56:00.005-05:00

This morning I am thankful for

~big glasses of ice water

~a hummingbird feeder outside my kitchen window

~quiet piano music

~Z man's sweet ability to play quietly by himself

~EJ's morning out with Daddy - helping him, of course

~dedicated and true friends

~Thrills announcement this week

~listening to a young couple as they victoriously battle out their relationship

~a cool rainy day this week

~little boy paintings

~less humidity and heat then usual

~working with my husband for a common goal

~the girls who live with us

~being able to pay my bills this week

~two little boys who love to snuggle up with me

~watching EJ ingest books

~purchasing 183.00 dollars worth of groceries for 56.00

~my front porch

Thank you Lord for these blessings.

Changing It Up a Bit

2008-08-12T12:37:00.002-05:00

When I was a kid, I would rearrange my bedroom every few months. If I had the time and money I would consider redoing my house one room at a time.

Instead, I worked on my blog and finally got it to match the new name and direction of it! I love it because it seems peaceful looking to me.

And I got rid of my blog roll. Don't worry, it doesn't mean I'm not reading up on you (even if I don't comment much anymore), but I finally got myself a bit up with the times and transferred all my favorite blogs I like to read, onto bloglines.

So, what do you think?

Highs and Lows

2008-08-11T15:35:00.005-05:00

At the beginning of the month, I sat looking at all our bills and our bank account. Neither one was willing to help each other out. My stomach flip flopped and my heart sank. I even said out loud to God, "the numbers look bigger then You, God. I know they aren't, but they feel bigger."

I suppose that is how life is at times. What is going on around us seems much bigger then who our God really is. The inner turmoil of knowing and really thinking that He can overcome any situation that we are in, begins to wrestle with the outward circumstances. Soon, we find ourselves weighed down.

Recently, I've been traveling out of that pit of despair. It started with a bit of confidence. Confidence in Him, in hearing Him, and understanding what He has told me to do. I don't know about you, but when I KNOW that God wants me to do something, I feel stronger to take on the day and walk life out.

I think confidence can help to bring on determined faith. The "I'm not going to stop doing this, because He hasn't told me to yet." And "something has to give, because I'm doing everything He's told me to do."

Confidence, determined faith, and humbleness. Yea, that is the last one. It's the place where you cast away every ounce of pride left in you. Because at this point, who really cares what the rest of the world thinks. And you jump on what God is saying, and joy begins to fill your heart again.

The highs and lows of life....today, I'm thankful. Thankful to pay my bills. Thankful for the gracious friends and family, who helped us out. Thankful to my God, who hears my prayers, provides for my needs, is patient enough to teach me even when I throw fits, and finds me worthy enough to love and pour into others.

Winner!

2008-08-10T19:21:00.002-05:00

We have a winner for the coupon giveaway ----

KAREN!!!

Thanks to all who played. I hope to do this again in another month or so.

Congratulations Karen.

Hobby/Giveaway

2008-08-08T13:22:00.004-05:00

Back in June, I went up to PA to visit with friends and family. It was a wonderful getaway, full of laughter and relaxation. Something that was really needed at the time.

While there, I grilled Thrills on her newest past time ... CVSing. She shared with me how she was getting things practically for free.

Well, with our budget these days (which tends to be the main source of my anxiety) I became quite intrigued with her new hobby and wanted to try it on my own. When I returned home, I took myself over to CVS, got myself an Extra Care Card and began reading up in blog land on all the ways, I could get myself some free stuff.

In amongst all of that, I found out about the whole world of couponing. I've always couponed before. But for some reason, I never quite got into the way I am now. I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say that I have saved us $86.00 in coupons last week.

So, I wanted to share with you my bounty.... First, I'm going to introduce you to the "Frugal Blogs" I've been visiting almost daily since June. Then, I'm going to give you an opportunity to win some coupons.

Frugal Blogs I Visit
Money Saving Mom
Frugonomics 101
Freebies 4 Mom
Economic Endeavors
Blogging on Our Way
Check them out!!!!

And for the giveaway. I have over 200 coupons, 200 to giveaway to one random winner. Here's the rules. One comment per person. You don't have to blog, just leave me your email address. And I will announce the winner on Sunday, August 10 after 8pm est. I hope to have the coupons out in the mail, Monday morning!

And if you want to win more coupons go to Frugal in Virginia and sign up to win $130 worth of coupons there too!

There's a whole community of couponers out there!

I Wanted to Cry With Him

2008-08-08T08:00:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, we are responsible for teaching our kids lessons in life, that well, you just don't want to share with them. As they get older, it gets harder, that I'm sure of.

Z man is 3, almost 4. And his spirit is one of peace and sweetness. My heart is tangled up in that little boy, as he goes through each day.

This week, he is attending VBS at our church. They have a huge table full of fun gifts. At the end of the day, names are pulled out of a hat and the prizes are awarded if you can say the scripture verse.

At the beginning of the week, Z man took my hand and brought me over to the prize table. There stood an "armor toy" in his words. It was a knights outfit. Now, my little boy loves to dress up. Just this morning he approached the breakfast table with a red cape and a sword tucked neatly down the back of his shirt. So, it was inevitable, that Z man would love the "armor toy."

Yesterday, I stood in the back of the sanctuary, ready to pick my boys up. It was the end of the day, where all the prizes were being awarded. The children's pastor picked up the "armor toy" and pulled out a name.... Z-man....... H (our last name begins with an S).

But poor Z, didn't hear the last name, he only heard his name. And so he (and his brother who wanted to help him), stood up quickly to go claim his valued prize. Only to find out that he wasn't the one who actually won it.

There I was in the back of the sanctuary, as my little boys chin began to tremble and huge alligator tears spilled over his cheeks. My heart broke and I wanted to cry with him.

The children's pastor apologized, as Z cried on my shoulder. And even though in my heart I could have given this little boy the world on a lollipop stick, I realized that sometimes, we just don't win the prize we so desperately want. Having to learn that is hard, even at 3.

Favorites

2008-08-07T10:08:00.004-05:00

At the end of June, I was sitting with the boys at the dining room table doing some "lessons." One of them was a list of favorites. Because Z man is still in the stage of saying the same thing EJ says, it was imperative to ask him first.

I wanted to document it, because, honestly I smiled for the rest of the day after I listened to both my boys little hearts!

Z-man, age 3, list of favorites

animal: cat

ice cream: chocolate

movie: David and Goliath

book: Thomas the Train

song: Joy to the World

food: yogurt

TV show: Tom and Jerry

Season: summer

color: red

holiday: Christmas

cartoon character: Batman

snack: yogurt

EJ, age 5(at the time of questions), list of favorites

animal: kitty cats

ice cream: cookie dough

movie: Leap Frog Videos

book: Cam Jansen series

song: Away in the Manger

food: ice cream

TV show: Tom and Jerry

season: winter

color: blue

holiday: Christmas

cartoon character: Jerry

snack: graham crackers with peanut butter

Just Beautiful

2008-08-06T07:53:00.002-05:00

David and Rachael were officially married this past Friday. Oh, what a day it was! In all seriousness, their wedding was the most beautiful and intimate affair that I've attended, since CJ and I tied the knot ourselves!

I cried my eyes out several times. The bride was gorgeous, the groom was handsome, the wedding party - sassy! But the two little boys, who rang bells announcing the bride, well.... they of course stole my heart!

In the garden, with the sun setting, and candles twinkling, David and Rachael invited the presence of the Lord to their relationship. His peace and joy was certainly there! And they became husband and wife.

In the midst of all the fun details of the wedding, the Lord opened my eyes and my heart this past week. He confirmed in a deeper way, what He has called us to in this season of our lives. Rachael, was much like the first born child, as she was the first girl to come and live with us. Watching her grow and mature, find her mate, fall in love, and plan a wedding, was an amazing experience for me. There were of course, tough times but standing there in the garden, the Lord whispered the following to me.

“Is it worth all the turmoil and hassles that you go through in this season of your lives, to be able to stand here and be part of all of this?”

My answer was YES!

Just Out of My Mouth

2008-08-05T18:49:00.003-05:00

"We can't be swayed away from God just because of our circumstances. We must continue to follow Him, despite what we see."

Now...I just have to follow those words in action.

YIKES!

So to Speak

2008-07-29T10:22:00.003-05:00

There is something about taking time off from talking. I'm quieter then I've ever been in my whole entire life. Sometimes that is good. Sometimes not so good.

I've thought alot about my time off from blogging. Do I miss it? Honestly, no. I'm surprised at myself. I do miss writing. Infact, I still write in my head regularly. I start pondering a "post" as I am cooking, baking, cleaning, driving, etc. However, sitting down and actually writing it, is another story. But today, it seems as if it is time to speak.

My summer has been hot but pleasant. I've taken up a swim aerobics class and just tried out Zumba, a latin american dance aerobics class! Talk about sweating your butt off! The kids and I did the reading program, at the local library. They took their share of swim lessons as well. And EJ participated in a soccer day camp. Next week both boys are off to VBS! Yahoo! CJ finished classes last week and began a combination of work and internship this past Monday, with more classes to follow starting in September.

This week is wedding week in our house, as David and Rachael finally tie the knot on Friday evening. Everyone is playing a part in the big day. And starting tonight, we have fun parties, rehearsal, and the main event marked for each evening!

Amongst, all the events and life happenings, my brain has been on over drive as we walk through some hard circumstances and issues. Life is never easy. I worked on a bible study over the last 8 weeks, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. The end challenged me the most, how am I viewing our life? Am I wrestling with God? Am I taking a Jonah approach or a Job approach?

I'm changing the name of my blog and perhaps taking a new outlook on what I want to write about. Mentally, I'm in a real place of needing to choose to enjoy each day. I need to look at each "gem" that I have and treasure it. I need to watch my boys and drink deep their childhood. I need to breathe in deeply and raise my hands upwards. I need to not worry so much about getting to the destination, but start Enjoying the Journey.

So, I decided to go for a new look, new name, new purpose. I'm still "fired up" about our Jesus. Infact, He's the only one that gets me through. But for this season of my life, I want to learn and grow in joy. I want to stop and inhale deeply. I want to enjoy my life, no matter what my circumstances are!

Peacefully Quiet

2008-05-16T09:33:00.003-05:00

Last night, I was standing in church, during worship time and I found myself peacefully quiet. Everyone around me was jumping up and down, people were being touched by the Lord, and much was going on. I, on the other hand, just stood there. For a bit, I fought God, internally with the issues that are weighing on my mind. I even began to push myself into worship time, trying to not be passed by, as He was in the room.

And then this feeling of, "its okay," to be quiet came over me. I continued on standing there quietly, with my lips resting together.

That is how I feel about much of my life right now. I'm in a season of being really quiet.

My mind is churning these days. I've identified that God is completely re doing my foundation in Him right now. Who do I worship... the church? The people I live life with? Or Jesus? What does revival really look like? Where does it start? How set apart am I really from this world? Who is He in me, anymore? Am I compromising anything in my life? What if we really are in the end days? Why can't I give up the control of my own life to Him? And so on...

When I was standing in worship last night, quietly, I realized that this is why I am so quiet in the blog world too. I've been surprised at myself because I haven't missed writing that much.

But being quiet is good and healthy. And letting God rearrange me, change me, and restore me is what is needed more then anything else.

So friends, I'm still on break right now. I haven't forgotten you.. I'm just peacefully quiet.

It's Just Not There

2008-05-04T22:05:00.002-05:00

Well friends, I'm pretty sure those of us who blog regularly go through this phase every once in awhile. I'm in the "to blog or not to blog, that is the question," place.

The truth is, I just don't have it in me right now. My brain is overwhelmed with life and frankly I don't feel like sharing it with the blogosphere. It's not bad stuff. Just life.

I feel as though I've been kind of hanging out there, with little to say.

So that's it. I'm on break. I'm sure I'll return sooner then later. Mostly because I have this writing fix that I need to fulfill. And I plan on checking in on you when I can!

Love ya.

Breaks, Beach, Giveaways, and Meme's

2008-04-29T08:45:00.004-05:00

With that title, your bound to already know that this post is a round up of things that have happened, are happening, or are about to happen.

I've been a bit out of the loop lately in blogland. Trust me, I have plenty of good ideas and thoughts going on in my head. But I can't seem to get them out on "paper."

Perhaps it has something to do with CJ being on break. One week from today he starts back up with classes. There is a tiny bit of dread in my voice as I write this. Full time work + full time school +everything else going on = very little time as a family or married couple. Still we are on this journey for good reasons and I trust that God will take care of all our needs.

Of course, I say that, because He already has blessed us with an unexpected get away. No names. But we were given some money and told to do something for ourselves that was fun. It was just enough for us to book 3 nights in a family suite at a resort in Myrtle Beach, SC. The resort is secluded, has an indoor water park, and more. We leave tomorrow. And I am seriously looking forward to just getting away and sitting on the beach. Honestly, sea air really cleans out the cobwebs in my head.

Classic Mama introduced us to this awesome blog, 4 Reluctant Entertainers. She's hosting a fun giveaway, of which I dutifully signed up for. But beyond that, I'm quite excited to start perusing her site and getting some good ideas. I have a "sermon" in my head about conversations, talking with others, and learning how to go deep quickly. Suffice to say, I think that I may find her blog only adding to it! Go check her out.

Finally, Thrills tagged me for the 6 word meme about myself. You are supposed to write a six word memoir about yourself and then post a pic along with it. Help! I found this one tough. But this is what I came up with.

deep, focused, passionate, shows His love

Of course, I'm supposed to tag others on this one. But honestly, everyones been tagged or may be kinda tired of meme's right now. So, if that's not you, then consider yourself tagged and leave me a comment!

Funny Little Award

2008-04-25T10:15:00.003-05:00

Mom on a Mission, bestowed this cute little award to me the other day. Can I tell you, for a quick moment, what I am thankful for here??

God has been teaching me so much about friendship and what it looks like. He gave me the most intense relationships back in PA. So much so, that I can call on my friends, whom I haven't talked to in months, and pick up where I have left off.

Part of what God is teaching me is that friends come in all different ages, stages, and now countries in life!! He is shifting my mind set of what friendships used to look like to me, to a whole new world.

Sometimes, that takes some getting used too. And sometimes it just doesn't! I met Mom on A Mission during my trip to Mexico. I immediately connected with her, because she was a mom with two young kids, AND pregnant, living the life that I hope we will be doing in the near future! Of course anytime you go on a missions trip and connect with people, there is always that chance that you won't keep in touch.

As God would have it, Mom on a Mission, blogs! And I check or read her blog DAILY, sometimes, more then once. I love reading about her kids, how goose eggs can appear on foreheads, or dogs eating children's bicycles. I love to hear about the team down there and what they are accomplishing. It blesses my heart to see how they are as a normal family on the missions field.

Val, you and your family inspire me and encourage me that we too can do this family missions thing, someday. I am blessed by your friendship!

Of course, I get to pass this one on. And I could hand it out to about 6 of you, easily. But here is what my heart wants to do.... The Thrills of Being a New Mom.... I love you both in and out of the blog world! And I just wanted to bless you with this funny little award! Enjoy!

Planting A Garden

2008-04-22T10:07:00.005-05:00

There is something so peaceful about going to a greenhouse. It must be the vivid colors, the smells, the quietness of it all. I literally think my blood pressure goes down and a feeling of joy rises up, when I walk around fresh smelling plants.

CJ and I are planting a big garden this year. Actually we are planting two gardens. Our hope and desires are to get enough fruits and vegetables to help feed the masses that tend to walk through our doors.

And even though I have pictures of pretty flowers here, we did not purchase any of these. Rather just looked and inhaled and dreamed and enjoyed.

Our gardens will include the following: broccoli, spinach, beans, tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes, and more tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, yellow squash, butternut squash, cantaloupe and watermelon. Oh and jalapenos, so that we can make some salsa!